What is the purpose of this?

[EyeofCassandra]

I do not get our modern society. I am 5 foot 1. I weigh 140 pounds. I wear a size 12 and while I am trying to lose weight I am badly disordered. I will go without eating for fairly long periods of time before I break down and binge. I am not making excuses for the mess I am but I am not interfering in anyone else's life. 

I understand and accept that most men are not going to want to date me. I do not have unrealistic expectations. I do not expect to have another relationship-not now and maybe not ever. So I am not out there on dating sites or in any other scene trying to meet someone.

No one ever said to any man that he was obligated to date me. And yet I am not able to visit other (Non-dating!) forums or listen to the radio or read articles anywhere online with a comments section without lines of men browbeating women for their weight. What is the purpose of this? To twist the knife in the wound? To make sure we are constantly reminded of our failures in life? I am not a PC person (far from it) but I do not think bullying has a value or is a productive activity. Why the hell is this a thing? 

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

EyeofCassandra,

You're hurting. I wish you were not. Hurting sucks.

I'm not trying to be flip. I mean it.

Michael

[EyeofCassandra]

I did not find it flip. I found it the perfect thing to say. Thank you!

I am in counseling. I don't know if that will be effective or not.

[dldelancey]

Counseling can be effective if you give it a chance, remember that it's a process, and have a good rapport with your therapist.  Get yourself emotionally healthy, and physical health will follow.  Until then, stop visiting those places that browbeat.  Sounds as if you are learning to like yourself again, and browbeating is not conducive to achieving that.

[Mikee]

I've learned more about nutrition and human health on Paul Jaminet's blog (Perfecthealthdiet.com) than all the other books I've read combined.  Start with your core, emotional health follows physical health, all your other values follow naturally.  Your greatest value is you.  Screw the troglodytes.  Lift weights.  Go for long hikes in the hills.  Eat gourmet paleo food.  Intermittent fast.  Sleep well, dial in your circadian rhythms.  You already read a lot and are a deep thinker.  I love Nathaniel Branden too, meeting him changed my life forty years ago.  You are just fine, life is long, you are your own personal work of art and that's all that's important.

[EyeofCassandra]

Both my body and my brain have been put through hell the last few years. The recovery will take quite a while! I do read a lot and exercise a lot and I try to keep my focus on my writing. The dark thoughts still sometimes emerge though......

[Brant Gaede]

18 hours ago, EyeofCassandra said:

I do not get our modern society. I am 5 foot 1. I weigh 140 pounds. I wear a size 12 and while I am trying to lose weight I am badly disordered. I will go without eating for fairly long periods of time before I break down and binge. I am not making excuses for the mess I am but I am not interfering in anyone else's life. 

I understand and accept that most men are not going to want to date me. I do not have unrealistic expectations. I do not expect to have another relationship-not now and maybe not ever. So I am not out there on dating sites or in any other scene trying to meet someone.

No one ever said to any man that he was obligated to date me. And yet I am not able to visit other (Non-dating!) forums or listen to the radio or read articles anywhere online with a comments section without lines of men browbeating women for their weight. What is the purpose of this? To twist the knife in the wound? To make sure we are constantly reminded of our failures in life? I am not a PC person (far from it) but I do not think bullying has a value or is a productive activity. Why the hell is this a thing? 

I use to worry about going bald--until I realized I was the only one who cared.

There's no reason to worry about "most men." They aren't worrying about you. Nor are those low-life bullying browbeaters.

If you want to lose weight there are several ways. The most important is to cut back on carbs. That's because of the danger of adult onset diabetes.

Durk Pearson and Sandy Shaw wrote The Life Extension Weight Loss Program book--they wanted to call it "... Fat Loss ...", but the publisher vetoed it and it so bummed them they stopped writing books. In it are various fat-loss techniques. One of the most interesting is using how you dress and ambient temperature around you. Dress as lightly as possible and if you control the temperature lower it until you shiver or get goose bumps (then raise it until they go away). The body will literally eat its fat, maybe a pound or two a month. (This assumes moderate caloric intake, not dieting.)

The glycemic index of foods is very important.

Dieting is generally bad because one's weight tends to go down then back up and even with vigorous exercise about 25% of the weight loss is muscle. Not good for one's heart.

Dieting encourages binge eating.

I'm convinced that bulimia took 20 - 30 years off my sister's life--and her lack of exercise.

--Brant

 

[Michael Stuart Kelly]

I've been studying marketing for a few years so I am much more attuned to the difference between perception and reality than I was way back when.

Even knowing what I now do, the following commercial chokes me up everytime I see it.

To me, it is one of the best commercials ever made.

It is relevant to this thread.

 

Michael

[turkeyfoot]

I dont know about dating sites (married for 29 yrs). I know what keyboard commandos are like. Its the new say what ya think crowd, obnoxious and belligerent. Really unfortunate that you met some of those. But the idea occurs to me that people that we become interested in is mostly based on a mutual affinity or interest. I live in a rural area,4 hours from good friends and have a couple of neighbors that are good people. Few have my particular interests however. Theres a whole other world out there you may not have explored. http://www.meetup.com One example of how this works is on the Appalachian Trail. Hikes are posted, meeting places are decided on, a trail is mapped and youre off and running with like minded people. Ive tried it, the dogs are still barkin!. ) Lots of different avenues of interest there. Theres no commitment other than to have fun and whether youre looking or not, youre doing something you might enjoy.

My sons girlfriend had lap band surgery at an early age 16-17, now 22. I didnt understand on first meeting her, at dinners usually, why she would mist up and choke back tears. She would order an extra dish along with the entre. She would then doggie bag the uneaten and taking it for lunch the next day. Not a problem per se but I wanted to bring up that we arent ordering for another day. I try not to be too judgmental over food but she reacted to something, Im not sure what. She also avoids going to a gym because the other girls want to talk about diet, something she is very sensitive to. Finally she found a black lighting Zumba class where I guess her sensitivities were addressed.

A customer of mine had lap band surgery. I hadnt seen him for 3 months. When I did it was a wow moment. And he was incredibly excited over his look.

 

 

[EyeofCassandra]

2 hours ago, Brant Gaede said:

I use to worry about going bald--until I realized I was the only one who cared.

There's no reason to worry about "most men." They aren't worrying about you. Nor are those low-life bullying browbeaters.

If you want to lose weight there are several ways. The most important is to cut back on carbs. That's because of the danger of adult onset diabetes.

Durk Pearson and Sandy Shaw wrote The Life Extension Weight Loss Program book--they wanted to call it "... Fat Loss ...", but the publisher vetoed it and it so bummed them they stopped writing books. In it are various fat-loss techniques. One of the most interesting is using how you dress and ambient temperature around you. Dress as lightly as possible and if you control the temperature lower it until you shiver or get goose bumps (then raise it until they go away). The body will literally eat its fat, maybe a pound or two a month. (This assumes moderate caloric intake, not dieting.)

The glycemic index of foods is very important.

Dieting is generally bad because one's weight tends to go down then back up and even with vigorous exercise about 25% of the weight loss is muscle. Not good for one's heart.

Dieting encourages binge eating.

I'm convinced that bulimia took 20 - 30 years off my sister's life--and her lack of exercise.

--Brant

 

I am pretty convinced I have done damage to my body with the things I have done to it. I have learned about the diet/binge cycle the hard way and it is not a good pattern. I also don't want to end up like my dad who is overweight, a Type 2 diabetic, has had several heart attacks, and still ignores his doctor's advice. That just does not look like a good quality of life.

[EyeofCassandra]

2 hours ago, Michael Stuart Kelly said:

I've been studying marketing for a few years so I am much more attuned to the difference between perception and reality than I was way back when.

Even knowing what I now do, the following commercial chokes me up everytime I see it.

To me, it is one of the best commercials ever made.

It is relevant to this thread.

 

Michael

This commercial always makes me choke up to! But for some reason I relate it more to my writing. I keep at it!