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36 minutes ago, Michael Stuart Kelly said:

Carol,

I don't believe black and lesbian comics are exclusively leftist, that would be bigoted, so I don't understand your question.

:) 

Michael

 

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17 hours ago, Michael Stuart Kelly said:

Carol,

I don't believe black and lesbian comics are exclusively leftist, that would be bigoted, so I don't understand your question.

:) 

Michael

MSK, you don't understand because you lack the level of humanness and humanity that Carol has achieved. Do you remember how Pigero had the greatest, most objective consumer tastes in music ever? That was his major accomplishment in life. Well, Carol's is having the most humanity. She's the official world's champion at having humanity. She cares the most.

(Except when it comes to black people. She doesn't recognize them as human. She equates them with apes. But other than that, she's really full of humannness and humanity and brotherly love and all that. As long as someone else is paying for it.)

J

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Well, I suppose I should finish this damn thing.

I didn't have an actual joke when I let that one loose. The humor was the setup (but you kinda need a sense of humor to see it. I mean, someone who sees lines of fists and doesn't get the pun with "punchline" has a ways to go to understand funny... :evil: 

Anyway, let's finish the damn thing. Since I didn't have a joke in the traditional form, I made one up just now. 

2 hours ago, Michael Stuart Kelly said:

Two black thugs, a raghead in a suicide vest and a butch feminist walk into a bar...

The first black thug puffed himself up like a bully and said to the bartender, "I want something black, non-alcoholic, and gives a buzz." 

The bartender, pulling out a double-barrel shotgun, said, "I have high energy drinks, but they're not black." The first black thug said, "Black lives are matter, not energy," and the second said, "Hands up don't shoot."

The butch feminist stared at the shotgun. She said, "Don't you dare c-c-c-cock that thing..." but with two barrels, she was too overwhelmed with penis envy to continue. Then she looked at the raghead in a suicide vest. "Say something."

He stared intently at the bartender and said, "I'm going to blow your mind." 

:) 

Michael

 

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10 minutes ago, Michael Stuart Kelly said:

Well, I suppose I should finish this damn thing.

I didn't have an actual joke when I let that one loose. The humor was the setup (but you kinda need a sense of humor to see it. I mean, someone who sees lines of fists and doesn't get the pun with "punchline" has a ways to go to understand funny... :evil: 

Anyway, let's finish the damn thing. Since I didn't have a joke in the traditional form, I made one up just now. 

The first black thug puffed himself up like a bully and said to the bartender, "I want something black, non-alcoholic, and gives a buzz." 

The bartender, pulling out a double-barrel shotgun, said, "I have high energy drinks, but they're not black." The first black thug said, "Black lives are matter, not energy," and the second said, "Hands up don't shoot."

The butch feminist stared at the shotgun. She said, "Don't you dare c-c-c-cock that thing..." but with two barrels, she was too overwhelmed with penis envy to continue. Then she looked at the raghead in a suicide vest. "Say something."

He stared intently at the bartender and said, "I'm going to blow your mind." 

:) 

Michael

 

This is funny! but not  traditionally a joke, as you say. It is more like an opening scene for a sitcom. I can see Halle Berry as the female lead .

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Three strings walk into a bar.  The bartender says “Can’t you read the sign?  It says NO strings allowed!”  And they promptly get tossed out of the bar.

Not to be phased the one string tousles up hid hair and twists himself up, then walks right back in with his new look.

”Bartender give me a double shot of tequila!”

Bartender replies “hey..aren’t you a string?”

The string replies “No I’m a frayed knot.” 

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4 hours ago, caroljane said:

This is funny! but not  traditionally a joke, as you say. It is more like an opening scene for a sitcom. I can see Halle Berry as the female lead .

Incidentally, Halle Berry is into intermittent fasting:  https://www.health.com/celebrities/halle-berry-keto-diet-intermittent-fasting

(at least one OL member would be happy to see that)

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The perjury trap ...

DkUafYhXcAU0hbl.jpg

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From 2005.

It feels good to have a President who doesn't change.

If the image is too small, the gist was a snooty put-down letter about a review letter Trump sent to the New York Times Book Review--snark snark snark--by journalist Mark Singer (who I have never heard of).

Trump wrote back:

Quote

Mark --

You are a total loser -- and your book (and writings) sucks!

Best wishes,

Donald

P.S. And I hear it is selling badly.

D

I guess nuanced snark was lost on him.

:) 

Michael

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Nuanced snark ...

Dke9OpJU8AAMZt1.jpg

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This mordant tweet about The Dog Tapes does not approach the heights of Dennis Edwall's OT, but I thought it might twang the odd funnybone.

On 7/30/2015 at 11:49 AM, Dennis Edwall said:

Totally tasteless. But funny.

 

Digression:

Spoiler

 

Why is mordant wit better than sardonic? Is it because it implies fewer people potentially tortured or killed in the making?

The grimmest wit I am familiar with is that of a couple of Syrian commentators. Against unrelenting war, in grief, in hopelessness, bitterness and grievance, yet still reporting on the events of the day and week -- with the occasional painful bite of tragic insight. Today there was a not-yet-fully-confirmed report that Turkish military observation posts along the front of occupation in northern Syria are being supplied with anti-aircraft weapons. This could mean that Turkey will deny the Syrians and Russians the airspace under their 'protection,' thus at least the postponement of the Idlib offensive.  That's NATO Business and potentially dangerous.

The bite was 'who knows what this means in Damascus?'

 

 

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From: PaleoObjectivist To: atlantis at wetheliving. Subject: ATL: (humor) pun intended. Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2003 00:52:37 EST / A backward poet writes inverse. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired. What's the definition of a will?  It's a dead giveaway. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana. In democracy your vote counts.  In feudalism your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat miner. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown-apart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted; it taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flatter.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself. Roger E. Bissell, musician-writer

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From: "Michelle F. Cohen To: objectivism  Subject: OWL: Humor as Art Date: Mon, 07 Oct 2002 23:24:26 -0400. On 10/4 Neil Goodell wrote: "I think jokes could be considered a type of art because they are a selective re-creation of reality and their function or purpose is to bring joy. I don't think there is anyone who would disagree that a good laugh can be a breath of fresh air and bring a new perspective with renewed energy to keep going on a really tough day."

I agree that humor is *like art* in re-creating reality and bringing joy. For humor to *be art* it has to be professional.  Stand-up comedians and professional clowns are certainly artists, as much as non-funny actors. As far as Objectivism is concerned, there are several good laughs in Rand's novels, but they usually are initiated by the narrator, not the heroes.  The heroes may laugh at someone else's jokes, but they do not tell jokes themselves. Only Francisco D'Anconia has a great sense of humor, like having women undress in his party at the same speed ice is melting around them (this is not a screed against adult entertainment.)  Or posting "Brother, You Asked for It" on the City's public calendar.  As far as I can tell, Elsworth Toohey is the only character who talks about humor when he reveals his secret techniques to Peter Keating.  Rand defined humor as "the denial of metaphysical importance to that which you laugh at."  Black humor would fit under this definition as a means of coping with a terrible reality. -- Michelle

IT MUST BE GREAT TO BE A MAN, BECAUSE ........ - Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. - Your orgasms are real - always. - Your last name stays put. - You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. - A razor never comes near your pubic area. - The garage is all yours. - Wedding plans take care of themselves. - Chocolate is just another snack. - You can be president. - You can wear a thin, white tee-shirt to a water park. - Car mechanics tell you the truth. - You don't give a hoot if someone notices your new haircut. - If you retain water, it's in a canteen. - Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

- You can open all your own jars. - You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's restroom is too icky. - Wrinkles add character. - Wedding dress $5,000; tux rental $100.  People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. - New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. - One mood, ALL the damn time. - Phone conversations are over within 60 seconds. - A week-long vacation requires only one suitcase. - You can leave the motel bed unmade. - You can kill your own food. - You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. - If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. - Your underwear is $5.95 for a three-pack. - You can quietly enjoy a car ride when not driving. - Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. - You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." - You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. - If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends. - You're not expected to know the names of more than five colors. - You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. - You almost never have strap problems in public. - You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. - The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. - You don't have to shave below your neck. - You can get a dime or your keys in 3 seconds. - You can get out of bed and be out the door in 5 minutes. - One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. - You can do your nails with a pocketknife. - You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. - Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 20 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. "I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."----Mark Twain

From: NRoarkofConn To: Atlantis Subject: Re: ATL: Fair Question... Date: Fri, 11 May 2001 23:45:55 EDT. Ellen Moore wrote: >What is on your mind that motivates you to write with your nasty sarcasm?

Ross Levatter wrote: > Basically it's people with a limited understanding of philosophy but an amazing capacity for parroting a great thinker and imaging they are engaged in original thought. And often it's little minds who play at great moral outrage over intellectual differences. Then, again, sometimes Ellen--such as in your case--it's just because you're such an easy target.

For us spectators, Ross and Ellen, the enjoyment is similar to seeing a pompous pretentious person slip on a banana fell and fall on his or her keester. What prompts the humorous reaction to such a person's misfortune is the rapid juxtaposition of seeing a person who thinks they are "above it all" and seeing that that person ~isn't~ above it all, at all, but instead can be brought down to earth amazingly quickly and easily. That is how Arthur Koestler explained it in ~The Act of Creation~ (1964). Another view, compatible with Koestler, is Ayn Rand's view that rational laughter is directed at the metaphysically insignificant. (She stated this during a Q&A session in one of Leonard Peikoff's 1975-6 lectures on "The Philosophy of Objectivism.") When you laugh at the pompous person being brought down, you are affirming the metaphysical insignificance of pompousness and of that person, to the extent that she is caught up in being pompous, righteous, etc.

So, why does someone lay verbal banana peels for the pompous and righteous to slip and fall on? He doesn't want to sit around and wait for that person to self-destruct. He's being pro-active. He wants to help them along a bit. That's how I interpret Ross' "nasty sarcasm." Am I close, Ross?  ? Best to all, Roger Bissell

From: "William Dwyer" To: <Atlantis Subject: ATL: Pocohantus theorem? Date: Wed, 25 Jul 2001 23:38:55 -0700

Mike, help me out here! Three Indian squaws had babies.  The first sat on a deer hide and had a five pound boy; the second sat on a moose hide and had a six-pound boy; and the third sat on a hippopotamus hide and had an eleven pound boy. Does this prove that the son of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides? Bill

“She offered her honor. He honored her offer. It was honor and offer all night." Ghs

From: "William Dwyer" To: <Atlantis Subject: Re: ATL: Re: Correction? Or Warner Brothers' Revisionism? Date: Fri, 7 Sep 2001 01:29:07 -0700

> George wrote: Anyone want to pick a fight about this? Huh, huh? I >>

And Barbara wrote, I'll pick a fight. The greatest, funniest, most intelligent comic strip is  Peanuts. Not a day in my life goes by without reading about the adventures of Snoopy. >

What, you mean you don't like Gary Larson's "The Far Side"? -- like the one depicting a wolf who is handing a sheep flowers against a full moon, with the caption: "Inevitably, their affair ended:  Howard worried excessively about what the pack would think, and Agnes simply ate the flowers."

Or this one, depicting a large animal wearing an overcoat and removing a mask:  "Dang it Monica!  I can't live this charade any longer!  I'm not a telephone repairman who stumbled into your life -- I'm a Komodo dragon, largest member of the lizard family and a filthy liar." Good stuff! Bill

From: "George H. Smith" To: "Atlantis" Subject: ATL: Re: Correction? Or Warner Brothers' Revisionism? Date: Fri, 7 Sep 2001 14:38:03 -0500. Barbara Branden wrote: "I'll pick a fight. The greatest, funniest, most intelligent comic strip is Peanuts. Not a day in my life goes by without reading about the adventures of Snoopy."

We have a kind of apples and oranges contest going on here, since I was referring to short animated cartoons, not comic strips. I also like "Peanuts," but overall my favorite strip was probably "Calvin and Hobbes."

The Warner Brothers' cartoon that I mentioned in my nutty post ("Duck Season, Rabbit Season") is my favorite overall. (At least I laugh the most when I watch it.) Close runners-up include the singing frog one that I also discussed (the same frog who is now the WB mascot) and the wonderful Wagnerian Opera that feature Bugs Bunny, and Elmer Fudd in a Viking helmet singing "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit." These latter are especially interesting since they contain no spoken dialogue whatever. Chuck Jones was the best director of cartoons, imho. A friend of mine claims to like Fritz Frehling better, but I cannot see it. And let us not forget the stunning genius of Mel Blac. The animated cartoon is one contribution of American culture that most everyone appreciates, or should. And I don't care what modern computers can do. The full animation cartoons of a bygone era are still the best. Unfortunately, they became too expensive, taking many months to produce just one, so they began to die out after cartoons were no longer played in theaters. Ghs

From: "George H. Smith" Reply-To: "George H. Smith" To: "Atlantis" Subject: ATL: Darwin Award Candidate Date: Wed, 31 Oct 2001 21:10:46 -0600 The following story is surely an example of natural selection at work. Ghs

ARKANSAS CITY (AP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she claimed was Jesus.

"She started screaming "He's back, He's back" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everett Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said.

She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was dressed up as Jesus and was on his way to a toga costume party when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow up sex dolls filled with helium which floated up into the air.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said, "Come back here," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES: During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French Bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven't been carrying any before now. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. The Chief of Police is always black. Most dogs are immortal. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat them. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds – unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

From: "Reidy, Peter" <Peter.Reidy @usa.xerox To: Atlantis Subject: ATL: RE: Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies Date: Wed, 14 Nov 2001 08:10:58 -0800. In pre-twentieth-century Europe, family members all spoke with different accents.

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Nasty but kind of funny (though we should wait for the Humour Patrol to weigh in):

 

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I'm having a senior moment. I don't get it.

How does "Individual-1" tie in to "Make America Great Again"?

Is it trying to say that people who believe in making American great again, or maybe people who use that as a slogan, or maybe those who support President Trump, are not individuals? I don't get the tie-in to the red hat.

For example, if I rejiggered a Hillary Clinton campaign button to read: "I'm an Individual-1 With Her," would that be the same joke?

Maybe I'm missing the point altogether. 

Then again, the other day, I saw the following cartoon (I think it's by a guy named Bob Capps, the original link seems to be this one).

08.22.2018-22.45.png

It took way too long for me to get it.

:) 

Michael

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Nick Anderson cartoon.

muellerthehunter.jpg

Edited by william.scherk
Attribution

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From the cartoon section at Real Clear Politics ...

gary_varvel_gary_varvel_for_aug_23_2018_

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Kim Dot was quoted somewhere as writing: Billions, mansions and yachts are no longer enough for many tech entrepreneurs. They want a seat at the table of power, shape the world and feel untouchable. end quote

That is similar to the plot of the summer TV show, “Salvation.” A group of around two dozen billionaires from around the world meet to control the economy and politics of the globe as an asteroid hurls towards a rendezvous with Earth. The female President appoints the British / American scientist leading the plan to divert the asteroid as Vice President. When she is assassinated the Brit becomes President which I am not sure is Constitutional.   

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11 minutes ago, Peter said:

Kim Dot was quoted somewhere as writing: Billions, mansions and yachts are no longer enough for many tech entrepreneurs. They want a seat at the table of power, shape the world and feel untouchable. end quote

Kim Dotcom;  "somewhere" is no help.  When I next visit Delmarva I hope to take you out for a crab dinner, and afterwards offer you a clinic in searching and quoting and posting URL links.

Deeeeeeep Staaaaate.  Gives you a shiver, don't it?

Luckily, the Finnish-German resident of New Zealand who weighs in at 45 stone is entrepreneuring ...

 

Edited by william.scherk
225 people are talking about it!

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