Roger Bissell 15 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 My Spirit's Homeby Roger E. Bissell1989Like a beacon in the night,The sparks from your soul send out their lightAnd help me not to lose the sightOf my spirit's home.Brighter than a sunlit day,The sparks from your soul wipe out the grayAnd help me not to lose the wayBack to my spirit's home. Link to post Share on other sites
Mindy Newton 0 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 My Spirit's Homeby Roger E. Bissell1989Like a beacon in the night,The sparks from your soul send out their lightAnd help me not to lose the sightOf my spirit's home.Brighter than a sunlit day,The sparks from your soul wipe out the grayAnd help me not to lose the wayBack to my spirit's home.I fear that I may be crossing some line of literary etiquette in doing so, but I have a suggestion: Re-write lines 2 and 5 to say, "The sparks of you..." It gives a more regular rhythm, and I think it says about the same thing. Good-feeling poem. Its sincerety comes through, though that's a virtue of your poetry in general. --Mindy Link to post Share on other sites
Brant Gaede 217 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 My Spirit's Homeby Roger E. Bissell1989Like a beacon in the night,The sparks from your soul send out their lightAnd help me not to lose the sightOf my spirit's home.Brighter than a sunlit day,The sparks from your soul wipe out the grayAnd help me not to lose the wayBack to my spirit's home.I fear that I may be crossing some line of literary etiquette in doing so, but I have a suggestion: Re-write lines 2 and 5 to say, "The sparks of you..." It gives a more regular rhythm, and I think it says about the same thing. Good-feeling poem. Its sincerety comes through, though that's a virtue of your poetry in general. --MindyYou sure did cross the line. You meant lines 2 and 6, not 5. However, the essence of etiquette is lies used as social lubrication. You use it for people you don't care enough for to be friends with but don't want to enemize.--Brant Link to post Share on other sites
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