Worst Contemporary Songs Ever Contest.


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Any pop made after the 80's.

Exceptions apply for Duran Duran, who are the best pop band ever.

No fair sneaking a best into a worst thread.

--Brant

That's right, Brant. I thought I was clear about this.

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Any pop made after the 80's.

Exceptions apply for Duran Duran, who are the best pop band ever.

No fair sneaking a best into a worst thread.

--Brant

The "best" was only placed in there to provide more specificity to the "worst."

Meretricious disingenuity!! Unfallacious thespianism! Univited divertism!

--Brant

have a drink

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I adore Cher, but this one always caused me painful rectal itch. She's a True Diva, but in the end a better actress than a singer. If you haven't seen "Burlesque," take a look. She's still got the Kung Fu.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxoWto09Oyg

Edited by Rich Engle
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It is a difficult project, because of the thin floating line twixt artist and song. For instance, though, at the extreme, Rosie O'Donnell doing the National Anthem would not qualify for obvious reasons. Simply a different form of terror, is all.

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It is a difficult project, because of the thin floating line twixt artist and song. For instance, though, at the extreme, Rosie O'Donnell doing the National Anthem would not qualify for obvious reasons. Simply a different form of terror, is all.

Maybe we should have two categories, worst performance and worst song.As a subcategory, worst performance of anthems.As a connoisseuse of the latter I would nominate the guy who recently rendered the Star-Spangled Banner as a dreamy jazz number, to flat effect, musically and emotionally. But I can't remember his name or what game he was singing at.

For worst song I'll bring out my pet dead horse, My Way, and beat it up again. I know, I know, it helps individualists express their feelings like no other song. But the lyric is hilariously bad. "the words of one who kneels" and "not in a shy way"- on crescendo! - such straining for a rhyme achieves the very nadir of bathos.

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Could I sidetrack a minute and fix something? Bad grammar in songs is usually deliberate and makes the song work, but sometimes it's unnecessary and bothers me. So I need to adjust a song I llove so I can fully enjoy it.

Chorus from "I Just Want to Go Home" from Van Helsing.

..."You know we had to see

How high the sky could be

Whatever happened to you and me?

I just want to go home."

Thanks, I feel better now.

Carol

English Teacher and Part-time Pedant

Edited by daunce lynam
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The first thing I thought of was the music from the old animated Lord of the Rings movies. Ugh.

Definitely Foul. And we should kill the Keebler Elves<tm> while we are at it.

We should kill Spock too:

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We should kill Spock too:

Wow, that was good. As in, really really bad. Nimoy singing sounds to me like Carl Sagan singing, which leads to my next nominee:

Top that. Doesn't count? Rich neglected to rule out cross-species cover songs. Game over.

Edited by Ninth Doctor
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Could I sidetrack a minute and fix something? Bad grammar in songs is usually deliberate and makes the song work, but sometimes it's unnecessary and bothers me. So I need to adjust a song I llove so I can fully enjoy it.

Chorus from "I Just Want to Go Home" from Van Helsing.

..."You know we had to see

How high the sky could be

Whatever happened to you and me?

I just want to go home."

Thanks, I feel better now.

Carol

English Teacher and Part-time Pedant

No, I am sorry, it doesn't work that way at all in song writing. In fact, songwriting is pretty much the only place where you can pull off not just bad grammar, but straight-out craziness. And I am not just talking about onomatopoeia. The gloves are off on this because of the melding between music and words. It would be thoroughly unreasonable (but you will get it upon occasion) to think that song lyrics work like prose, or, for that matter, even poetry.

Oh, here's a basic example:

Celtic Thunder Whiskey In The Jar Audio

Celtic Thunder – Heritage

Whiskey in the Jar Lyrics

as sung and performed by Keith Harkin and Neil Byrne of Celtic Thunder

Keith:

As I was going over, the Cork and Kerry Mountains.

I saw Captain Farrell, and his money he was countin’.

I first produced my pistols, then produced my rapier.

I said “Stand there or deliver, or the devil he may take you”.

Neil & Keith:

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da

Whack for my daddy-o, Whack for my daddy-o

There’s whiskey in the jar-o.

Neil:

I took all of his money, and it was a pretty penny.

I took all of his money, and I brought it home to Molly.

She swore that she loved me, never would she leave me.

But the devil take that woman, for she knows she treat me easy.

Neil & Keith:

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da

Whack for my daddy-o

Whack for my daddy-o

There’s whiskey in the jar-o.

(Guitar Duet – Both)

Keith:

Round ’bout six or maybe seven, in walked Captain Farrell

I jumped up, fired on my pistol, and I shot him with both barrels.

Neil & Keith:

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya

Whack for my daddy-o, Whack for my daddy-o

There’s whiskey in the jar-o.

Neil:

Some men like the fishin’ and some men like the fowlin’,

and some men like to hear, the cannon ball a rollin’.

Keith:

Me? I like sleepin’ especially in my Molly’s chamber.

But here I am in prison, here I am with ball and chain, yeah.

Keith & Neil:

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da,

Whack for my daddy-o, Whack for my daddy-o

There’s whiskey in the jar-o.

(repeat)

(Guitar Duet – Both)

folder-gray.gifCELTIC THUNDER, CELTIC TH

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New ones just crossed my mind: Any music Rod McKuen did. Anything.

To wit:

I am already in the process of fashioning a crude noose for myself. This one alone is dreadnought-class uber-turd.

rde

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And Rod Mckuen, at least to my mind, is possibly one of the most repulsive, narcissistic, overrated performers that ever existed.

That being said, never underestimate how low the common denominator can be. It will sink in front of you, and rap music proved that long ago.

Let's get into the horrid area of kid music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsKO_r76kfQ&feature=fvst

I could go for Raffi, but the thing there is he is just a shit folk singer. It's not the songs' faults. Tempting, though. Very tempting.

Anyone that has raised kids is aware of both these dreadful incidents included into what is called music.

Now, this one is problematic for me in that I have a huge soft spot in my heart for Fred Rogers. Difficult judgment call, probably not sufficient. It depends where you are at mentally when you listen to it. It is the musical equivalent of snorting a few Xanax bars, and there are times where that might be appropriate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaYR5lwzomE

Edited by Rich Engle
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This one is coming up on fifty years, yet it still outranks them all.

Whoa, good pick. This one's also god-awful, in the same vein.

Yup. Oddly, it made me think that also should be anything by the Plastic Ono Band. She needs to die.

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No argument from me about most of these...

But "Eve of Destruction"?

!!

I must protest! This was a voice of my youth (all that pissed-off energy, and nowhere to go).

"Yeah, my blood's so mad, feels like coagulatin';

I'm sitting here, just contemplatin'.

Handful of Senators don't pass legislation,

And marches alone can't bring integration,

When human respect is disintegratin'

This whole crazy world is just too frustratin'.

And you tell me - over, and over, and over again, my friend:

Ah, you don't believe,

We're on the eve of destruction."

(Barry McGuire)

Mm, yes - pretty terrible. But it's a sense of life thing, also less of a song, then it is protest rap.

What about that great piece of blues harmonica in there, though?

Tony

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No argument from me about most of these...

But "Eve of Destruction"?

!!

I must protest! This was a voice of my youth (all that pissed-off energy, and nowhere to go).

"Yeah, my blood's so mad, feels like coagulatin';

I'm sitting here, just contemplatin'.

Handful of Senators don't pass legislation,

And marches alone can't bring integration,

When human respect is disintegratin'

This whole crazy world is just too frustratin'.

And you tell me - over, and over, and over again, my friend:

Ah, you don't believe,

We're on the eve of destruction."

(Barry McGuire)

Mm, yes - pretty terrible. But it's a sense of life thing, also less of a song, then it is protest rap.

What about that great piece of blues harmonica in there, though?

Tony

I second that. I too bear a certain affection for the ol' Eve of D. And when it first came out it was a genuinely different sound from the other stuff on the airwaves, and not a worse one, so it should get points for that.

And certainly the edge-of-doom theme is a timeless one - judging from a browse of the topics on this board at least.

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There's no excuse for "In the Year 2525" though. I feel sorry for my distant descendants who might possibly have to listen to it as a history project.

Edited by daunce lynam
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How could I have forgotten?

When we think of the 60s in terms of war, riots and drugs we risk downplaying the era's significance as the golden age of saccharine, schlocky bad taste.

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I love the "Crazy, crazy train, CHOO, CHOO!" at 0:22 seconds in.

I thought we had no bad covers, and nothing before 1950 rules in place here. Otherwise it's going to be Cathy Berberian time. Then we'll move on to Florence Foster Jenkins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VGItt9cCgc

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Macarena was a huge summer hit in 1996.

I have nothing against summer hits as such, but just can't stand this song. Uninspiring rhythm, boring melody, and the silly dance that went with it matched the whole thing perfectly.

Edited by Xray
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