xaithra

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About xaithra

  • Birthday 06/16/1968

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  1. Wow! Adam... Thank you I did not expect anything like this. The thing is... I live in UK. I wonder if that makes difference. I waited until christmas, giving the family some time and waiting for the film "The Tale of Desperaux" to come out. J was involved in it's production. The team had some soft toys for kids and some posters. So... I went to the church hoping to see them... but they already were gone to their mother's parents. I did not have her number, but she called me by accident two weeks ago and I told her about my intentions. She agreed to meet for coffee, brought her friend who never
  2. Hello every body. It was a while... Thank you all for the warm words. I am so glad that you have been my comfort and shoulder at the worse time. It was 3 month since Jason's death. I am working hard and now can talk about him and think about him without tears. The pain comes back only when I allow it... in the moments of special time. The time when I choose to grieve and visit his websites, watching his home video of us, listening to his song he wrote for me and audio messages, looking at his photos. This is my time with him... The rest of my days I am free and I live fully for both of us...
  3. Thank you all... Barbara, Shane, Michael, Auden, Chris I must admit that I have cried reading your posts but I feel a little better. People said to me that it will take at least a year to heal, to recover, to want something again... Right now I am deeping myself into work and don't really like to come back home at night because he is not here. I keep hearing him and feeling him. In the mornings i wake up happy for a few seconds not remembering what has happened and then it hits me so hard again and again... I am afraid to sleep. Those bloody mystics keep calling me and inviting me to talk...
  4. Jason has been cremated last Tuesday. After post mortem the coroners have give us his body back only last week. This is the first time I have managed to get on line in almost 3 weeks... Felt very lonely. His relatives the mystics have done everything NOT the way he would have wanted. They have let me to choose his clothing for him (I have dressed him myself as he was not a big man... he has stitches even on his head), choose flowers, music and to say a few words during the ceremonies... but they DID NOT let me to take his ashes and insisted on taking them back to his home town (the place he ha
  5. Yi, yi, yi. Every spouse's most awful nightmare! Next to loosing a child this has got to be the worst. My deepest condolences to you. Ba'al Chatzaf Thank you all I am blocking my emotions and try not to think about him. A smallest memory of hour happiness brings up a volcano in me. I do not want to break into a cry yet, I had to sleep all day to recover after 18 hours by his bedside. Now I need to get up and do things... there is so much to do. My head said get up and go... Mhy body said stay in bed until you feel better. Watch tv, eat something first time in days... I hate this state. I a
  6. He is gone They did it last night at 8pm. He lived for ten hours. This was the worst time of my life
  7. Guys!!! The doctor told me that they are not doing anybody any favour by keeping him on support. They want me to pull a plug. His relatives-mystics resent the idea saying that we have to pray and wait longer. He is not responding at all any more. His temperature is 39.5. His brain is baking... I am slowly falling apart...
  8. 8 day in the coma with no progress in responses - is a bad news. Doctor said he will be most likely damaged for life... May be even unable to move at all. The chance for him to have any reasonable life is close to nothing. I am making myself angry with him to stay calm and focused... but afraid to break any minute. I need to believe that there are other people like him... like myself... That I am not alone. I need a friend who lives the true life of the objectivist. 100 percent like we have...
  9. He is not doing well at all. No body hear me but inside I scream on the top of my voice... I am realistic person and mostly reasonable, preparing myself for the worse... but now I am clinging on that tiny chance that doctors are still giving me. A microscopic fraction of the hope... If he makes it I am ready to believe in miracle or god or what ever... In my desperate desire to have him back... Am I loosing it... Does rationality has a limit when it comes to a hope for no reason?????
  10. My husband and I always loved a good debate hard not to join... but yes I am surprised a bit myself Sounds more like subjectivist never mind By my definition Objectivist is the person who lives by the principals of well-defined phylosophy Objectivism and its ethical position. He makes reasonable choices according to this principals and does not allow "moral greyness" to break his integrity. Going back to the hospital. He was not going too well last night. Thank you for your support, guys
  11. He was diagnosed and he stopped taking tablets just a two days prior to the act... He said he need to think clear... And he is not a man who would let anybody to force anything on him. I did not know he have done that
  12. I cannot believe I hear this on the Objectivist forum.....!!!!! And... My husband did allow me to see the darkest places of him... He even asked me to illustrate it. I have made a drawing that represents his feeling... and it is dark. I wonder if I can post pictures here..?
  13. Not if you love him, value him. That is your choice in the end. I truly feel for you in what must be the most difficult time in your life. I cannot even begin to imagine how I would feel, act, or respond in the same situation. I think Michael it on to something with the grieving. Once your emotions have had a chance to run their course, the answer might be clearer than you think. Again, that will be your choice. ~ Shane Thank you all I am not allowing any grieving to myself right now. I am holding on, working, but if he will die, then it will be my time I suppouse. I may break earlier I