I know I have pasted this “religious thread” before but it is funny and we all deserve a chuckle. Peter
From: William Dwyer To: atlantis Subject: ATL: Ask Laura Date: Tue, 06 Mar 2001 08:34:01 -0800. Laura Schlessinger, who is an Orthodox Jew, has said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned in any circumstance.
The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.
1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
4) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
7) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some room for negotiation here?
8) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, Craig
From: "Jeff Olson" To: "atlantis" Subject: ATL: Dialogues with God Date: Wed, 2 May 2001 13:47:49 -0700. I took Debbie's suggestion about arguing with God directly, and fortunately, owing perhaps to His omnipotence, He was able to spare time from His busy schedule to meet with me personally and discuss some of my concerns....
I found God sitting in my backyard, drinking a beer. At first I thought He was a biker, since He was wearing a leather vest, blue jeans, and motorcycle boots -- but the "Mother Mary" tattoo and the thick, salt-n-pepper beard gave Him away. (God, by the way, apparently drinks Keystone Lite, which I don't take necessarily as a good sign. But perhaps He was just trying to avoid hurting my feelings by not drinking an expensive imported beer, since He knows my drinking budget is rather limited. Either that, or Keystone Lite has some cosmic significance that I'm not privy to.)
In any event, God said He'd seen the back gate open, and had just mosied in and made Himself to home while His "Hog" was being repaired. He said He hoped I didn't mind, which I thought was kind of funny, since I'd called for Him and all. And I did wonder about His use of swine metaphor, but decided not to waste time with trivial questions and get right to the point.
"When You told Moses to stone a man to death for working on the Sabbath, was this a good thing to do simply because You ordered it? Or did the act have goodness in itself?"
God leaned back in my lawn chair, pursing His lips reflectively. "Well, man, I think you gotta try to understand everything as a whole, you know? Things were a whole lot different back then, if you catch my drift."
"Are You saying that morality is historically relative, or perhaps time-sensitive?"
"Yeah, uh, right. It's like certain ways a doing things just stop working, and something different takes its place. Like now I ride a hog instead of a chariot, you know?"
On that note, I saw the opportunity to ask the question I'd always wanted to ask the King of Kings. "Then who is responsible for all the evil and suffering in the world? You or humankind?"
God took a long sip of beer, and nodded thoughtfully. "Well, me and boys have caused *some* of the suffering, man, I'll give you that--"
"By 'boys' I take it you mean 'angels'?"
"I meant 'Angels,' of course. They aren't exactly boys, that's for damn sure." He let out a guttural laugh. "But, you know, it's like my ma used to say--"
"You mean, Mother Mary?"
Uh, right. Hey, how did you know?" Then He traced my gaze to His tattoo, and chuckled. "Oh, yeah. Anyways, my mom always said that you got free will, you know, and each man's free to make his own decisions in life. So if you fuck up, it's you own damn fault, is what I'm sayin'."
"But if You created man, aren't you in some sense responsible for the qualities that lead him to certain actions, irrespective of free will?"
Now God gave me a kind of odd, impatient look at that point, as though I'd done something to earn His disfavor. He lowered his beer, and crushed the can noisily in one ham-sized hand.
"Look, son," He grumbled finally, "I'm not here to give you all the answers. I'm just here waiting for my ride to get fixed. But them's questions you gotta work out on your own, you know, though personally I think it's probably a waste of time to even look at it 'cause you're not going to understand it anyway."
I lowered my head humbly, and then the loud, concussive rumble of an approaching motorcycle echoed back into the yard.
"Hey, that's my ride, partner." God stood up stiffly, tossing the beer can in the grass. "Anyhow, nice talkin' to ya. Good luck with all them questions."
I followed God out to the gate, literally shaking with a sense of impending revelation. I suddenly realized that asking God to solve all our problems and answer all our questions is wrong, and that He, in His divine omniscience, was telling me that I had to solve those mysteries myself, to exercise my free will, and to take responsibility for my own life.
I thought then that this God is one helluva being, despite being ugly as hell and reeking of cheap beer.
But as I watched from the gate, and God positioned his corpulent form on the back seat of a motorcycle, presumably driven by one of his special angels, I realized that my eyes had been opened to at least one holy mystery -- and that at least one prevalent rumor about his Divinity was true. God, apparently, *does* ride a Harley. Jeff
From: "Laura J. Rift" To: "Atlantis" <atlantis Subject: ATL: And the two shall become one... Date: Mon, 23 Jul 2001 11:58:51 -0700
Hi folks. An interesting tidbit courtesy of The Los Angeles Times in an article on stem cell research. I have known for a long time that a young embryo could divide and develop into two or more separate organisms, but apparently according to The Times, two embryos can merge to become one embryo before the backbone of the embryos involved begin developing around 14 days after conception.
Interesting. Now if a young embryo is a separate, distinct individual person, a "soul" to use Debbie's term, what happens when the two "souls" merge to become one? Does one lose its identity to the other, in other words, lose its life? Or do the two "souls" exist within the one body? Perhaps a schizophrenic with more than one "personality" is really more than one person, has a embryonic self within that has as many rights as he does. Perhaps as a result, people with multiple personalities should be given the right to vote more than once, legally ride in the car pool lanes, etc.
Or perhaps there's a third possibility. Maybe the two souls die and a third soul is created at the moment of merger, just as a "soul" is created when the sperm and egg merge. Maybe The Good Lord ( and I use the term "good" very loosely) is not content to simply murder millions of helpless unmerged embryo "souls" before they've even implanted, but decides He needs to get more bang out of his butchery buck. Create two souls, annihilate them both through merger into one, and then if the mood suits him butcher the third as well, either before implantation or after. Three for the price of one. Oh, the Good Lord does work in mysterious ways. Hallelujah! Laura
From: RogerEBissell To: atlantis Subject: ATL: Speaking of "Passover"... (was Psychology of Religion) Date: Tue, 25 Sep 2001 21:47:06 EDT
Dear List Members: We have been discussing whether or not there is some strong, inherent tendency in religion to occasionally/often devolve into advocacy/support of the kind of bloody conflicts and barbarism seen during the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition and invasion of Latin America, the second World War, and the attack on the WTC and Pentagon -- to name a few.
Debbie Clark has stated that such acts or processes are not actually a result of the essence of religion but, instead, a ~perversion~ of religion, which preaches love and peace. God/Allah/Whoever does not believe in terror and butchery, and those who commit such in His/Her name are twisting religion in the direction of evil.
Yet, Debbie doesn't address some of the....morally questionable.... acts of the very God that such evildoers are supposedly blaspheming with their violent deeds. Ironically, Debbie reminded me of one of the most pertinent such acts in this comment of hers:
> I don't have a bible in front of me at the moment and rarely read it anymore so my memory is rusty -- but I think in the book of Acts, the apostle Paul is admonishing the church members about what their conduct should be when they come together to eat the Passover, i.e. the bread and wine symbolizing the body of Christ (commonly referred to as communion by Catholics and Protestants, but as originally established, it was an annual event at Passover as instituted by Christ, not a weekly event). He said something to them along the lines of, "What? Don't you have homes to eat in?" and the reason he said that, to my understanding, is because they were not being reverent during the Passover ceremony and understanding the meaning of it. The purpose of it was not for the sensual pleasure of eating or to nourish the physical body -- those are things which everyone does in the course of normal physical lives. But eating the bread and wine at Passover, which Christ instituted as symbols of his body, i.e. taking the place of the lamb that previously was slaughtered and eaten at Passover, was something that was supposed to have spiritual meaning, not done for the purpose of sensual pleasure or nourishment of the body. Get it?
Ah, yes, the Passover! Does anyone ~not~ know the original context of this celebration? The Hebrews were in captivity in Egypt, and the Pharaoh refused Moses' demands that they be allowed to leave, so God "visited" various plagues and....misfortunes....upon the Egyptians, in an attempt to get Pharaoh to change his mind. The ultimate "act of God" was the killing by "the angel of the Lord" (or some such flunky) of all firstborn sons of the Egyptian families -- the Hebrew firstborn children being "passed over", because their folks had been warned to smear lamb's blood over their doorway (a signal agreed upon in advance by Moses and God).
Now, doesn't this suggest to anyone that the Ultimate Terrorist in history was not just religion, but the very Object of Religion? Not only the Jews, but also the Christians ~and~ the Muslims accept this as part of their religious history and heritage. It's OK for Big G to carry out such butchery of THE INNOCENT, but ~not~ OK for Muslim Fundamentalists? At least the freaking MF's are consistent.
There seems also to be a huge papering over of the massive amount of genocide that the Hebrews carried out in their long process of taking over the "Promised Land" after leaving Egypt. I once did the arithmetic and found that the total number ~said~ to have been slain by the Hebrews in those campaigns totalled about SIX MILLION. Sound familiar? This ain't Nostradamus, folks; it's the good old King James, Torah, and Koran -- and God OK'd it (hell, he ~cheered them on~).
Of course, I don't believe the above-described fairy tales for a moment. But Judeo-Christians and Muslims ~do~, or ~say~ they do, and Debbie seems to be among the many, many folks who conveniently....forget?.... more than a little of the..."ruling style"....of the Supreme Being they claim to worship.
Rand really said all that needed to be said about the nature of the diabolical union of faith and force in her "For the New Intellectual" characterizations of the Witch Doctor and Atilla, and her Ford Hall Forum lecture "Faith and Force: Destroyers of the Modern World." And all that needs to be ~done~ about the most recent incarnation of this union is to meet it with overwhelming force, grab it firmly by the throat, and choke it to a much-deserved death -- which I fervently hope GWB et al are able to do. Roast in hell, Osama & Company, roast in hell.
Be grateful that this post was written by the ~mellow~ Roger Bissell. No ad hominems (that I can detect). Just terminal weariness for apologetics for religion and its supposed essence of love and peace. Best regards to all, Roger Bissell
JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS-The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell.
"I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. "But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?"
The rest of Atta's words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked, asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face.
According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have struggled to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering, infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival.
"There was a tumultuous conflagration of burning steel and fuel at our gates, and from it stepped forth these hijackers, the blessed name of the Lord already turning to molten brass on their accursed lips," said Iblis The Thrice-Damned, the cacodemon charged with conscripting new arrivals into the ranks of the forgotten. "Indeed, I do not know what they were expecting, but they certainly didn't seem prepared to be skewered from eye socket to bunghole and then placed on a spit so that their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues forth from the haunches of Asmoday."
"Which is strange when you consider the evil with which they ended their lives and those of so many others," added Iblis, absentmindedly twisting the limbs of hijacker Abdul Aziz Alomari into unspeakably obscene shapes.
"I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake."
Exacerbating the terrorists' tortures, which include being hollowed out and used as prophylactics by thorn-cocked Gulbuth The Rampant, is the fact that they will be forced to endure such suffering in sight of the Paradise they were expecting.
"It might actually be the most painful thing we can do, to show these murderers the untold pleasures that would have awaited them in Paradise, if only they had lived pious lives," said Praxitas, Duke of Those Willingly Led Astray. "I mean, it's tough enough being forced through a wire screen by the callused palms of Halcorym and then having your entrails wound onto a stick and fed to the toothless, foul-breathed swine of Gehenna. But to endure that while watching the righteous drink from a river of wine? That can't be fun."
Underworld officials said they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.
"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."
NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other, Monday.
Above: God. "Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."
U.S. Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We're At War With » American Life Turns Into Bad Jerry Bruckheimer Movie » Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell » Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake » Point-Counterpoint: America's Response » Talking To Your Child About The WTC Attack » On TV Tonight »
Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence."
"I don't care how holy somebody claims to be," God said. "If a person tells you it's My will that they kill someone, they're wrong. Got it? I don't care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else's, ever again."
The press conference came as a surprise to humankind, as God rarely intervenes in earthly affairs. As a matter of longstanding policy, He has traditionally left the task of interpreting His message and divine will to clerics, rabbis, priests, imams, and Biblical scholars. Theologians and laymen alike have been given the task of pondering His ineffable mysteries, deciding for themselves what to do as a matter of faith. His decision to manifest on the material plane was motivated by the deep sense of shock, outrage, and sorrow He felt over the Sept. 11 violence carried out in His name, and over its dire potential ramifications around the globe.
"I tried to put it in the simplest possible terms for you people, so you'd get it straight, because I thought it was pretty important," said God, called Yahweh and Allah respectively in the Judaic and Muslim traditions. "I guess I figured I'd left no real room for confusion after putting it in a four-word sentence with one-syllable words, on the tablets I gave to Moses. How much more clear can I get?"
"But somehow, it all gets twisted around and, next thing you know, somebody's spouting off some nonsense about, 'God says I have to kill this guy, God wants me to kill that guy, it's God's will,'" God continued. "It's not God's will, all right? News flash: 'God's will' equals 'Don't murder people.'"
Worse yet, many of the worst violators claim that their actions are justified by passages in the Bible, Torah, and Qur'an.
"To be honest, there's some contradictory stuff in there, okay?" God said. "So I can see how it could be pretty misleading. I admit it—My bad. I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal bullshit. I turn My head for a second and, suddenly, all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and everybody thinks it's God's will to kill gays. It absolutely drives Me up the wall."
God praised the overwhelming majority of His Muslim followers as "wonderful, pious people," calling the perpetrators of the Sept. 11 attacks rare exceptions.
"This whole medieval concept of the jihad, or holy war, had all but vanished from the Muslim world in, like, the 10th century, and with good reason," God said. "There's no such thing as a holy war, only unholy ones. The vast majority of Muslims in this world reject the murderous actions of these radical extremists, just like the vast majority of Christians in America are pissed off over those two bigots on The 700 Club."
Continued God, "Read the book: 'Allah is kind, Allah is beautiful, Allah is merciful.' It goes on and on that way, page after page. But, no, some assholes have to come along and revive this stupid holy-war crap just to further their own hateful agenda. So now, everybody thinks Muslims are all murderous barbarians. Thanks, Taliban: 1,000 years of pan-Islamic cultural progress down the drain."
God stressed that His remarks were not directed exclusively at Islamic extremists, but rather at anyone whose ideological zealotry overrides his or her ability to comprehend the core message of all world religions.
"I don't care what faith you are, everybody's been making this same mistake since the dawn of time," God said. "The Muslims massacre the Hindus, the Hindus massacre the Muslims. The Buddhists, everybody massacres the Buddhists. The Jews, don't even get me started on the hardline, right-wing, Meir Kahane-loving Israeli nationalists, man. And the Christians? You people believe in a Messiah who says, 'Turn the other cheek,' but you've been killing everybody you can get your hands on since the Crusades."
Growing increasingly wrathful, God continued: "Can't you people see? What are you, morons? There are a ton of different religious traditions out there, and different cultures worship Me in different ways. But the basic message is always the same: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Shintoism... every religious belief system under the sun, they all say you're supposed to love your neighbors, folks! It's not that hard a concept to grasp."
"Why would you think I'd want anything else? Humans don't need religion or God as an excuse to kill each other—you've been doing that without any help from Me since you were freaking apes!" God said. "The whole point of believing in God is to have a higher standard of behavior. How obvious can you get?"
"I'm talking to all of you, here!" continued God, His voice rising to a shout. "Do you hear Me? I don't want you to kill anybody. I'm against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don't kill each other anymore—ever! I'm fucking serious!"
Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept.
From: "George H. Smith" To: "*Atlantis" Subject: ATL: Re: Christian Pacifism? Date: Mon, 22 Oct 2001 12:29:06 -0500 Debbie Clark wrote: "I am not resorting to any tactics at all; I'm simply being honest in saying that I don't participate in mainstream Christianity and it does nothing whatsoever for my soul. And it is not because I am trying to insulate myself anyway because I really am a terrible Christian myself. But I don't justify my shortcomings by saying that it's okay to do these things; I regard them as human failings, not as the example of Christ."
It's good to know that you don't plan on resorting to the tactic of, "But that's not *true* Christianity, which consists only in what I happen to believe." This will assure a fair contest between you and Laura, should she decide to meet your challenge. My apologies if I misunderstood your intentions.
Debbie wrote: "You seem to be trying to criticize me for choosing an individualist path as a Christian and I don't see what your point is in doing so. Christianity is ultimately a personal relationship between a person and Christ and what the collective does has no bearing on it."
This was not my objection at all. My concern -- based not only on your recent posts but also on what you have said in the past -- is that you might wish to exclude from the ranks of Christendom all those who interpret the teaching of Jesus differently than you do. The view you express here is identical to the core doctrine of the Reformation, especially as found in the writings of Martin Luther. But Luther, after defending the "Christian liberty" of every believer to interpret Scripture according to his own inner light, went on to call for the burning of Jewish synagogues and putting Catholics and other heretics (especially Anabaptists) to death. And, of course, he cited scripture to defend all of his recommendations (as did John Calvin).
Btw, you keep referring to the teachings of Jesus. But what about Paul and other New Testament writers? Or, for that matter, what about the Old Testament, which was written long before Jesus emerged from the womb of the Virgin Mary? Do these writings enjoy a canonical status in your belief system? Or do you restrict yourself to the four Gospels, which were based on oral traditions and written after the death of Jesus?
For example, how do you as an anarchist deal with the following passage from Romans 13 (NIV):
"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities....The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves?...t is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing."
Do Paul's admonitions carry any less weight than if Jesus had said the same thing? Do you believe that "the authorities that exist," such as the Roman Empire in Paul's day and the current Taliban regime in Afghanistan -- "have been established by God" and are "God's servants"? And do you follow Paul's precepts in your daily life?
I wrote: "Okay, so give us some examples of what a modern history of authentic Christianity would include? For example, as I asked before, would it include the Reformation? Or would you also "have to first do an exhaustive study" of the Reformation before you can answer this question?"
And Debbie replied: "Can you simply accept that I can't answer that question because I don't know?"
I am not so much interested in a specific answer as I am in what *criteria* you would use to make this judgment. Suppose you were to read everything that Martin Luther ever wrote. What standards would you then bring to bear in determining whether or not Luther was an authentic Christian? Since you must have some idea in your own mind why *you* qualify as a "Christian," it should not be very difficult to apply that standard, if only in a hypothetical way, to other people who also claim to be Christians.
I wrote: "Lastly, if you would care to propose definitions of "Christian" and "Christianity," I for one would like to see them. Traditionally, the definition of "Christian" has been a person who believes that Jesus is the Christ (i.e., messiah or savior)."
And Debbie replied: "Satan himself believes that much."
Exactly, and I poked some fun at this paradox in my last book.
Debbie continued: "It is less messy to simply say that there are different types of Christianity, some which are biblically-based and some which are not."
*All* versions of Christianity claim to be "biblically based" -- so what you appear to be saying is that you disagree with the biblical interpretation of other Christian sects. I have no problem with this, since, in this case at least, you seem to admit that other sects still qualify as authentic types of Christianity, however much they may differ from your personal interpretation of the Bible. That, for me, was the key question, and you have answered it. Thank you.
Btw, you have also answered, if unintentionally, my earlier questions about Augustine, Aquinas, Luther, and Calvin. Ghs
From: "George H. Smith" To: "*Atlantis" Subject: ATL: Darwin Award Candidate Date: Wed, 31 Oct 2001 21:10:46 -0600 The following story is surely an example of natural selection at work. Ghs
ARKANSAS CITY (AP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she claimed was Jesus.
"She started screaming "He's back, He's back" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everett Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said.
She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was dressed up as Jesus and was on his way to a toga costume party when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow up sex dolls filled with helium which floated up into the air.
Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said, "Come back here," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else.
When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."