Some Effective Opening Paragraphs


jriggenbach

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> ...followed by The Doctor's almost unnaturally dignified response. [Post 60]

Just want to let everyone know that ND is *not actually a doctor* (deceptive avatar...and statement about "the Doctor" above).

Is he trying to impress us?

In reality, he is a 26-year old book clerk at a South Florida Barnes & Noble: Plenty of time to skim Umberto Eco and Thomas Pynchon and sneak in a little James Joyce or Don DeLillo during lulls in book shelving.

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> ...followed by The Doctor's almost unnaturally dignified response. [Post 60]

Just want to let everyone know that ND is *not actually a doctor* (deceptive avatar...and statement about "the Doctor" above).

Is he trying to impress us?

In reality, he is a 26-year old book clerk at a South Florida Barnes & Noble: Plenty of time to skim Umberto Eco and Thomas Pynchon and sneak in a little James Joyce or Don DeLillo during lulls in book shelving.

He's not a doctor? What???!!!!! He's been treating me for my extremely rare condition for months...oh, no.....

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Just want to let everyone know that ND is *not actually a doctor* (deceptive avatar...and statement about "the Doctor" above).

He's not a doctor? What???!!!!! He's been treating me for my extremely rare condition for months...oh, no.....

Relax, the medication I’ve prescribed for your time dilation condition is very safe and effective. As I've explained before, it’s a well tested cocktail of cannabinoids to buffer and enhance the principal active ingredient: lysergic acid diethylamide. Side effects include increased preference for the albums Abbey Road and Rubber Soul, and sharply decreased tolerance for imperious schoolmarms.

Philmarm.jpg

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In reality, he is a 26-year old book clerk at a South Florida Barnes & Noble: Plenty of time to skim Umberto Eco and Thomas Pynchon and sneak in a little James Joyce or Don DeLillo during lulls in book shelving.

If this were the case it would take, let’s calculate...3 months, at most, to become better read than you.

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> the medication I’ve prescribed....

See now Book Shelver Boy is continuing the deception by pretending he knows enough to prescribe things...and he looked up some terminology.

(He really did want us to think he was a medical doctor, folks.)

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> the medication I’ve prescribed....

See now Book Shelver Boy is continuing the deception by pretending he knows enough to prescribe things...and he looked up some terminology.

(He really did want us to think he was a medical doctor, folks.)

Philmarm.jpg

Écrasez Schoolmarm!

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Meanwhile I am not feeling at all well besides betrayed and deceived and I have run out of pills, I still cant stand Hey Jude or All you Need is Love although I approve the sentiments ..I love the summer of 69 but I always did love it anyway, it was the best year of my life, there was no "therapy" going on there "Doctor" you heartless manipulative beast....

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"I've heard that there was a secret chord that David played. It pleased the Lord! It goes like this: a fourth, a fifth, a minor fall, a major lift...but...you don't really care for music, do you?"

A Canadian wrote it. This is the K. D. Lang version:

http://easylyrics.org/?artist=K.d.+Lang&title=Hallelujah

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http://youtu.be/P_NpxTWbovE <<<this was a great performance by K. D. Lang - intense voice - sorry about the 12 sec commercial with the sexy woman in the skin tight dress....

nah - not sorry at all...

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In reality, he is a 26-year old book clerk at a South Florida Barnes & Noble: Plenty of time to skim Umberto Eco and Thomas Pynchon and sneak in a little James Joyce or Don DeLillo during lulls in book shelving.

If this were the case it would take, let’s calculate...3 months, at most, to become better read than you.

The Ninth Doctor I have come to know on these pages would never read DeLillo.

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In reality, he is a 26-year old book clerk at a South Florida Barnes & Noble: Plenty of time to skim Umberto Eco and Thomas Pynchon and sneak in a little James Joyce or Don DeLillo during lulls in book shelving.

If this were the case it would take, let’s calculate...3 months, at most, to become better read than you.

The Ninth Doctor I have come to know on these pages would never read DeLillo.

Maybe he got it from this confluence?

DeLillo's fourth novel, Ratner's Star (1976), took two years to write[8] and drew numerous favorable comparisons to the works of Thomas Pynchon. This "conceptual monster", as DeLillo scholar Tom LeClair describes it, is "the picaresque story of a 14-year-old math genius who joins an international consortium of mad scientists decoding an alien message."[10] and has been cited by DeLillo as both one of the most difficult books to write[11] and his personal favorite of his own novels.

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> ...followed by The Doctor's almost unnaturally dignified response. [Post 60]

Just want to let everyone know that ND is *not actually a doctor* (deceptive avatar...and statement about "the Doctor" above).

Thanks, Matlock. We all thought he was a doctor.

Hey, does that also mean that Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot aren't actually posting here, but that they're just some people using those images as avatars?

J

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Peikoff’s latest is right up Phil’s alley. How does he choose non-Objectivist fiction? He has his title and blurb test, then his page 1 test. His big question: “can I read this without difficulty?” He doesn’t mention Baron Haussmann specifically, but one can easily see him tossing away a book that dares to reference such an obscure figure up front (yes, that is sarcasm).

http://www.peikoff.c...iction-to-read/

The Ninth Doctor I have come to know on these pages would never read DeLillo.

I read White Noise, and didn’t care for it. I did finish it though, that says something (I’ve yet to finish anything by Philip Roth, for instance). I’ve had Cosmopolis recommended to me, and it’s pretty short so maybe I’ll give it a shot some day. Since my senior year (High School) religion teacher was a devotee of Teilhard de Chardin, leading me to read (uncomprehendingly) The Phenomenon of Man over the summer before I started college (which is when I first read Rand), I have a certain interest in trying DeLillo’s Omega Point, which is even shorter. I’ve heard Ratner’s Star is good, and it comes recommended by people who won’t recommend anything else by DeLillo, but they say the first half is great and then it stalls.

I’m pretty sure Twain’s Pudd’nhead Wilson is next on my list. The German quote upthread put me in the mood to fill some gap in my reading of Twain.

http://www.amazon.co...21286944&sr=1-1

I still cant stand Hey Jude or All you Need is Love although I approve the sentiments ..I love the summer of 69 but I always did love it anyway, it was the best year of my life

I said Rubber Soul and Abbey Road. Also, add Sgt. Pepper. The songs you’re naming aren’t on any of these albums. If your reference to Summer of 69 is meant to communicate that you are still a Bryan Adams fan, I’m afraid we’re going to have to start the therapy again from the beginning.

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> Baron Haussmann...one can easily see him tossing away a book that dares to reference such an obscure figure up front

Notice the stupidity of reducing all my points about why the Eco was not an effective opening to one concrete.

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> Hey, does that also mean that Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot aren't actually posting here, but that they're just some people using those images as avatars?

No, you incredible moron. It means they weren't trying to get us to believe they were doctors as in the passage I cited where ND refers to himself as if he were a doctor.

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> Baron Haussmann...one can easily see him tossing away a book that dares to reference such an obscure figure up front

Notice the stupidity of reducing all my points about why the Eco was not an effective opening to one concrete.

Notice the stupidity of claiming that I even attempted to “reduce” all of Phil’s knuckleheaded points. This reeks of desperation.

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> His big question: “can I read this without difficulty?”

Another piece of stupidity - and gross unfairness - is to reduce all the different points Peikoff makes to saying this is his "big question".

Not-A-Doctor, do you actually have to -try- to reduce complex things to a single point that you can snark about or is this innate 'shoot from the hip' brainless irresponsibility?

Just disgusting!

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Peikoff’s latest is right up Phil’s alley. How does he choose non-Objectivist fiction? He has his title and blurb test, then his page 1 test. His big question: “can I read this without difficulty?” He doesn’t mention Baron Haussmann specifically, but one can easily see him tossing away a book that dares to reference such an obscure figure up front (yes, that is sarcasm).

http://www.peikoff.c...iction-to-read/

The Ninth Doctor I have come to know on these pages would never read DeLillo.

I read White Noise, and didn’t care for it. I did finish it though, that says something (I’ve yet to finish anything by Philip Roth, for instance). I’ve had Cosmopolis recommended to me, and it’s pretty short so maybe I’ll give it a shot some day. Since my senior year (High School) religion teacher was a devotee of Teilhard de Chardin, leading me to read (uncomprehendingly) The Phenomenon of Man over the summer before I started college (which is when I first read Rand), I have a certain interest in trying DeLillo’s Omega Point, which is even shorter. I’ve heard Ratner’s Star is good, and it comes recommended by people who won’t recommend anything else by DeLillo, but they say the first half is great and then it stalls.

I’m pretty sure Twain’s Pudd’nhead Wilson is next on my list. The German quote upthread put me in the mood to fill some gap in my reading of Twain.

http://www.amazon.co...21286944&sr=1-1

I still cant stand Hey Jude or All you Need is Love although I approve the sentiments ..I love the summer of 69 but I always did love it anyway, it was the best year of my life

I said Rubber Soul and Abbey Road. Also, add Sgt. Pepper. The songs you’re naming aren’t on any of these albums. If your reference to Summer of 69 is meant to communicate that you are still a Bryan Adams fan, I’m afraid we’re going to have to start the therapy again from the beginning.

No cure for love, Doc. "Doc" I mean. I am not the only fan apparently, Adams recently had his first child with some girl who probably does not deserve or appreciate him. Way to go Bry and all that, but you could have held some auditions at least.

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Peikoff’s latest is right up Phil’s alley. How does he choose non-Objectivist fiction? He has his title and blurb test, then his page 1 test. His big question: “can I read this without difficulty?” He doesn’t mention Baron Haussmann specifically, but one can easily see him tossing away a book that dares to reference such an obscure figure up front (yes, that is sarcasm).

http://www.peikoff.c...iction-to-read/

The Ninth Doctor I have come to know on these pages would never read DeLillo.

I read White Noise, and didn’t care for it. I did finish it though, that says something (I’ve yet to finish anything by Philip Roth, for instance). I’ve had Cosmopolis recommended to me, and it’s pretty short so maybe I’ll give it a shot some day. Since my senior year (High School) religion teacher was a devotee of Teilhard de Chardin, leading me to read (uncomprehendingly) The Phenomenon of Man over the summer before I started college (which is when I first read Rand), I have a certain interest in trying DeLillo’s Omega Point, which is even shorter. I’ve heard Ratner’s Star is good, and it comes recommended by people who won’t recommend anything else by DeLillo, but they say the first half is great and then it stalls.

I’m pretty sure Twain’s Pudd’nhead Wilson is next on my list. The German quote upthread put me in the mood to fill some gap in my reading of Twain.

http://www.amazon.co...21286944&sr=1-1

I still cant stand Hey Jude or All you Need is Love although I approve the sentiments ..I love the summer of 69 but I always did love it anyway, it was the best year of my life

I said Rubber Soul and Abbey Road. Also, add Sgt. Pepper. The songs you’re naming aren’t on any of these albums. If your reference to Summer of 69 is meant to communicate that you are still a Bryan Adams fan, I’m afraid we’re going to have to start the therapy again from the beginning.

---------------

I am not surprised by your take on White Noise.

Back in 2001, B.R. Meyers did a take-down of White Noise (and other modern fiction writing as well) that still stands the test of time: "It's hard to see what is so edgy about describing suburbia as a wasteland of stupefied shoppers, which is something left-leaning social critics have been doing since the 1950s. Still, this is foolproof subject matter for a novelist of limited gifts. If you find the above shopping list fascinating, then DeLillo's your man."

A Reader's Manifesto is a read worth just about anybody's time.

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> Hey, does that also mean that Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot aren't actually posting here, but that they're just some people using those images as avatars?

No, you incredible moron. It means they weren't trying to get us to believe they were doctors as in the passage I cited where ND refers to himself as if he were a doctor.

I disagree! I think that they were trying to get us to believe that they were Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot. But, thanks to your brilliant detective work, I'm now less trusting and gullible!

Thanks so much!

J

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> His big question: “can I read this without difficulty?”

Another piece of stupidity - and gross unfairness - is to reduce all the different points Peikoff makes to saying this is his "big question".

Not-A-Doctor, do you actually have to -try- to reduce complex things to a single point that you can snark about or is this innate 'shoot from the hip' brainless irresponsibility?

Just disgusting!

Anyone who is curious can easily check Phil’s claim, the quote from Peikoff comes 3 minutes in.

http://www.peikoff.c...iction-to-read/

I don’t think this needs explaining to people of normal intelligence, but let me spell out that Peikoff’s statement “can I read this without difficulty” relates only to his page 1 test, not to the title or the blurb tests. He rambles quite a bit over his title and blurb tests, and mea culpa I didn’t include any detail related to that other material above. Why, you may ask? Perhaps it’s because this thread is supposed to be about the beginnings of books.

Now I wonder, did I claim to have summarized all of Peikoff’s comments? Mmm, nope, I don't believe I did. Do I think Peikoff’s comments are worth your time? Alas no, not at all. It may even be dopier crap than Phil typically spews. But do check it out, and share your thoughts. Even the many members of Phil's "Marm-posse" are encouraged to weigh in.

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> Hey, does that also mean that Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot aren't actually posting here, but that they're just some people using those images as avatars?

No, you incredible moron. It means they weren't trying to get us to believe they were doctors as in the passage I cited where ND refers to himself as if he were a doctor.

I disagree! I think that they were trying to get us to believe that they were Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot. But, thanks to your brilliant detective work, I'm now less trusting and gullible!

Thanks so much!

J

Just a minute here. We are still in the area of allegation and `identity theory, in which I am not expert, but I know for a fact that the white cat in question is indeed white with a black spot and also a respected academic with a distinguished list of publications under its flea collar. And the Paine reincarnation rumours have been around for a long time, too long to be discounted. OK they were all started by Shayne but they have been around for a long time.

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[somebody said, I think a foxy Pomeranian:> Hey, does that also mean that Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot aren't actually posting here, but that they're just some people using those images as avatars?

No, you incredible moron. It means they weren't trying to get us to believe they were doctors as in the passage I cited where ND refers to himself as if he were a doctor.

I disagree! I think that they were trying to get us to believe that they were Whistler's mother, Isaac Newton, Thomas Paine and a white cat with a black spot. But, thanks to your brilliant detective work, I'm now less trusting and gullible!

Thanks so much!

J

I do not get the joke, I guess. Ninth Doctor I always thought referred to the ninth Doctor from the Doctor Who series (a popular television show from the UK that has been running for some years). Now, I say this because I recall an earlier Avatar by Ninth Doctor in which the picture was of the Ninth Doctor ...

I hope someone can please let me know which joke I missed, or if there is more than one joke, can someone please explain them all to me, perhaps in point form with bolded bits and a shonky elaboration?

> His big question: “can I read this without difficulty?”

Another piece of stupidity - and gross unfairness - is to reduce all the different points Peikoff makes to saying this is his "big question".

Not-A-Doctor, do you actually have to -try- to reduce complex things to a single point that you can snark about or is this innate 'shoot from the hip' brainless irresponsibility?

Just disgusting!

Anyone who is curious can easily check Phil’s claim, the quote from Peikoff comes 3 minutes in.

http://www.peikoff.c...iction-to-read/

I don’t think this needs explaining to people of normal intelligence, but let me spell out that Peikoff’s statement “can I read this without difficulty” relates only to his page 1 test, not to the title or the blurb tests. He rambles quite a bit over his title and blurb tests, and mea culpa I didn’t include any detail related to that other material above. Why, you may ask? Perhaps it’s because this thread is supposed to be about the beginnings of books.

Now I wonder, did I claim to have summarized all of Peikoff’s comments? Mmm, nope, I don't believe I did. Do I think Peikoff’s comments are worth your time? Alas no, not at all. It may even be dopier crap than Phil typically spews. But do check it out, and share your thoughts. Even the many members of Phil's "Marm-posse" are encouraged to weigh in.

I may have had a small cerebral accident and now be suffering anosognosia, but bear with me:

-- is it just me, or does Phil not understand relatively uncommon socio-cultural references? Is it just me, or does it seem as if Phil rarely reads or follows links?

It is probably just me. Anyway, I listened to the Peikoff podcast that tries to answer how he chooses non-Objectivist fiction. For those who do not (like Phil, perhaps) subject themselves to The Voice, here is how he chooses, stripped of hums, haws, blabber and tics:

Peikoff goes to a used book store.

He asks for the General Fiction aisle

He goes to that aisle and scans titles ... the titles must have some interest to him (eg, "I wonder what that's about?")

Gone with the Wind is a great title.

Next, Peikoff looks at the 'blurb.'

- if the book blurb contains any notice of Prizes, it's out.

- if there are any quotes from other authors, it's thrown out of consideration

- if the blurb smacks of Political Correctness, "minorities"(?), and any science fiction, which is grotesque.

- serial killers, subject: Evul, out.

- (but!) it does not have to be philosophically agreeable (?)

- "it can be anti-Objectivist as long as there's some aspect I find interesting."

- eg, Les Miserables, Dostoevsky ...

So, if the blurb is OK, then Peikoff reads Page One only.

Regarding the first page, the simple question he asks is, "Can I read this without difficulty." It might be a style where you have to "concentrate" or you don't exactly know why one sentence follows another ...

Peikoff summarizes: if it passes the title and blurb and first page test, he will buy it. He doesn't go to bookstores that often. He may buy 20 or 30 books ... and only about half of them survive past page two, five or ten.

Some of them you can get right to the end, though. And if he really likes a book, he goes back and reads all of that author. Some are good, some are bad.

--- now, I have to go have a soul cleanse.

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