Why I'm Voting Republican

(p.s. I'm voting Libertarian but can't resist the rejoinder to Robert
Hall).

1. I think that the Country is better off under the influence of the
brilliant financial strategies of such very large donors like AIG and
Lehman Bros.

2. I think that the best way to illuminate conservative fiscal policy
is to adopt all of the failed liberal economic policies of your
opponents such as earmarked pork, nationalizing private industries and
socialized medicine.

3. Because any limits or restrictions on my right to sit in a
sniper's blind outside a school with full body armor, a fully
automatic Uzi and teflon ammunition infringes upon my constitutional
rights.

4. Because we need to find and eliminate the weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq.

5. Scratch #4 - because we need to have a regimen change in Iraq
because Saddam Hussein is a despotic terrorist with designs on the
United States and its allies.

6. Scratch # 5 - because we need to assure that democracy and some
30% of our GDP comes to a country with a population that is still set
on killing each other over 11th century religious emnities so we can
be the world's policeman.

7. Cuz I like to see Tina Fay back on SNL.

8. Because I'd rather see redistribution of wealth effected through
the tort system than through tax policy because I'll never be sued.

9. Because I'd rather entrust the moral compass of our country to the
same people that run the post office and the Department of Motor Vehicles.

10. Because if we don't have complete and blind faith in the English
translation of a Latin Translation of a Greek Translation of a Hebrew
translation of an Aramaic text written 2,000 years ago by a bunch of
cave dwellers several hundred (or several thousand) years after the
events purportedly being described and apply same to our daily lives,
we will all surely go to hell.

11. I believe it would be a charitable act to assist Gay and Lesbian
couples from having to contend with the horrors of marriage that the
rest of us have to contend with.

12. I am sufficiently comfortable with myself to know that I am not a
racist regardless of what the Democrats claim.