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A manifesto for gentelman


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#1 Kimmler

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 04:23 AM

1. THOU SHALT ALWAYS WEAR TWEED. No other fabric says so defiantly: I am a man of panache, savoir-faire and devil-may-care, and I will not be served Continental lager beer under any circumstances.


2 THOU SHALT NEVER NOT SMOKE. Health and Safety "executives" and jobsworth medical practitioners keep trying to convince us that smoking is bad for the lungs/heart/skin/eyebrows, but we all know that smoking a bent apple billiard full of rich Cavendish tobacco raises one's general sense of well-being to levels unimaginable by the aforementioned spoilsports.

3 THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE COURTEOUS TO THE LADIES. A gentleman is never truly seated on an omnibus or railway carriage: he is merely keeping the seat warm for when a lady might need it. Those who take offence at being offered a seat are not really Ladies.

4 THOU SHALT NEVER, EVER, WEAR PANTALOONS DE NIMES. When you have progressed beyond fondling girls in the back seats of cinemas, you can stop wearing jeans. Wear fabrics appropriate to your age, and, who knows, you might even get a quick fumble in your box at the opera.

5 THOU SHALT ALWAYS DOFF ONE'S HAT. Alright, so you own a couple of trilbies. Good for you - but it's hardly going to change the world. Once you start actually lifting them off your head when greeting, departing or simply saluting passers-by, then the revolution will really begin.

6 THOU SHALT NEVER FASTEN THE LOWEST BUTTON ON THY WESKIT. Look, we don't make the rules, we simply try to keep them going. This one dates back to Edward VII, sufficient reason in itself to observe it.

7 THOU SHALT ALWAYS SPEAK PROPERLY. It's quite simple really. Instead of saying "Yo, wassup?", say "How do you do?"

8 THOU SHALT NEVER WEAR PLIMSOLLS WHEN NOT DOING SPORT. Nor even when doing sport. Which you shouldn't be doing anyway. Except cricket.

9 THOU SHALT ALWAYS WORSHIP AT THE TROUSER PRESS. At the end of each day, your trousers should be placed in one of Mr. Corby's magical contraptions, and by the next morning your creases will be so sharp that they will start a riot on the high street.

10 THOU SHALT ALWAYS CULTIVATE INTERESTING FACIAL HAIR. By interesting I mean moustaches, not beards.

Edited by Kimmler, 03 November 2010 - 04:26 AM.


#2 Jonathan

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 08:33 AM

1. THOU SHALT ALWAYS WEAR TWEED. No other fabric says so defiantly: I am a man of panache, savoir-faire and devil-may-care, and I will not be served Continental lager beer under any circumstances.


2 THOU SHALT NEVER NOT SMOKE. Health and Safety "executives" and jobsworth medical practitioners keep trying to convince us that smoking is bad for the lungs/heart/skin/eyebrows, but we all know that smoking a bent apple billiard full of rich Cavendish tobacco raises one's general sense of well-being to levels unimaginable by the aforementioned spoilsports.

3 THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE COURTEOUS TO THE LADIES. A gentleman is never truly seated on an omnibus or railway carriage: he is merely keeping the seat warm for when a lady might need it. Those who take offence at being offered a seat are not really Ladies.

4 THOU SHALT NEVER, EVER, WEAR PANTALOONS DE NIMES. When you have progressed beyond fondling girls in the back seats of cinemas, you can stop wearing jeans. Wear fabrics appropriate to your age, and, who knows, you might even get a quick fumble in your box at the opera.

5 THOU SHALT ALWAYS DOFF ONE'S HAT. Alright, so you own a couple of trilbies. Good for you - but it's hardly going to change the world. Once you start actually lifting them off your head when greeting, departing or simply saluting passers-by, then the revolution will really begin.

6 THOU SHALT NEVER FASTEN THE LOWEST BUTTON ON THY WESKIT. Look, we don't make the rules, we simply try to keep them going. This one dates back to Edward VII, sufficient reason in itself to observe it.

7 THOU SHALT ALWAYS SPEAK PROPERLY. It's quite simple really. Instead of saying "Yo, wassup?", say "How do you do?"

8 THOU SHALT NEVER WEAR PLIMSOLLS WHEN NOT DOING SPORT. Nor even when doing sport. Which you shouldn't be doing anyway. Except cricket.

9 THOU SHALT ALWAYS WORSHIP AT THE TROUSER PRESS. At the end of each day, your trousers should be placed in one of Mr. Corby's magical contraptions, and by the next morning your creases will be so sharp that they will start a riot on the high street.

10 THOU SHALT ALWAYS CULTIVATE INTERESTING FACIAL HAIR. By interesting I mean moustaches, not beards.


I would have thought that a gentleman would avoid trying to pass off others' writings as his own (notice that in item #10 above, Kimmler has changed The Chap's "we" to "I," so it's not an issue of Kimmler's merely neglecting to cite his source).

J

#3 whYNOT

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 09:32 AM

On balance, the over-bred British twit, toffing it up, is much more 'orrible than the humble, cloth-capped working class, I believe.
If I'd been raised in England's class system of the 60's I just might have become a revolting ( B)) socialist myself.

Then again - nah, don't think so.
"To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge". Nicolaus Copernicus (An original objectivist) 1473-1543 ***No man may be smaller than his philosophy...***

#4 Ninth Doctor

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 09:39 AM

I would have thought that a gentleman would avoid trying to pass off others' writings as his own (notice that in item #10 above, Kimmler has changed The Chap's "we" to "I," so it's not an issue of Kimmler's merely neglecting to cite his source).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIX_0nMlIBU

Hopefully our socialist trollís excuse making wonít appropriate too much from here:
http://www.objectivi...findpost&p=8160

Merely practical Socialism. Other people are content to talk about the Redistribution of Property. I go out and do it.
Leave it to Psmith, P.G. Wodehouse


Prandium gratis non est

#5 whYNOT

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 09:54 AM

ND,

I would on the other hand touch my cap in respect to the biggest twit of them all, Bertie Wooster.

Tony
"To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge". Nicolaus Copernicus (An original objectivist) 1473-1543 ***No man may be smaller than his philosophy...***

#6 Michael Stuart Kelly

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 04:05 PM

Oh Lord...

Not again...

:)

Thanks, Jonathan.

Michael

EDIT: Garbage Pile it is...

Know thyself...


#7 Joel Mac Donald

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Posted 04 November 2010 - 11:26 AM

Kimmler, you're new so I'll just let you know, OL has a strict no plagiary policy, even for jokes. There was a poster here a while back, Victor Pross, who burned this forum big time by posting massive amounts of other people's work under his own name.

The list was also funny.

Edited by Joel Mac Donald, 04 November 2010 - 11:26 AM.

U mad Bro?




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