From what I recall it was Winter 2003, myself and 2 close friends went pot hunting through the streets of Sydney, Nova Scoita. We would have scored it around 8, lit up around 10 behind the library to avoid the cops. The high would have begun 15 minutes later.
That's when I knew something was wrong.
Like a piano chord in my mind being pulled at both ends. I panicked. I asked for more. We walked through the streets of Sydney and I knew this was going to be a trip I did not want to remember. I asked for more.
I went back home, slept through the night and woke up. Just the typical morning after, nothing to worry about. Some disorientation maybe, and I was tired. My parents were watching the news. Maybe it was something about Islam, maybe evolution in schools. My mind was forming its line of arguments, different wheels turning different tricks; metaphysics, ethics, history, all the wheels turning, sending the information to some central point, some locus in my mind.
And it wasn't catching.
Something occurred to me over the days that passed. There is some part of the mind that deals with memory, tracking arguments over the long haul, seeing the big picture - the metaphors the emotions the images that at one point were the stuff of my mind were no longer possible.
Rat poison in the pot? Some idiot Caper's idea of a joke? What the hell happened that night? How did I let it happen?
Its been 5 years. I look around and the world that had depth now looks like its paper thin. Books that entered into my mind and created images and inspired thoughts are now far, far reduced. Things are a blur, its even gotten hard to make out the shrubs on the highway. Even the perception of my own body has changed, it too feels thinner, harder to know somehow.
Memory. Chess games whose beginnings I can not reconstruct even only 10 moves in. Movies beginning's whose symbolism was so important is lost to mind by the end. Like living at 4 am.
I destroyed the only thing I valued in myself.
I want anyone who reads this to take this as a warning.
Edited by Mike11, 09 February 2008 - 12:44 AM.