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Official SoloSchism Form Letter


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#1 Bruce Blackwell

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Posted 02 May 2006 - 10:12 PM

Hi, This was forwarded to me by a friend, thought it was too good not to pass on :-)

The Objectivist schisms on SoloHQ and now Solopassion have become so frequent that for future convenience a simple form letter has been drawn up. Simply select among the options to easily customize your denunciation:

Official Solo Schism Form letter

Dear Hopefully Outraged Reader

It seems I have been betrayed by -Insert Name - , someone I considered a:
1) business partner
2) dear friend and soulmate
3) exemplar of rational passion
4) random internet correspondent

-Insert Name- has committed the unspeakably evil act of:
1) saying something bad about me in private
2) saying something bad about Mario Lanza
3) saying something nice about the Brandens
4) failing to memorize every article ever published in
the Free Radical
5) dumping my sorry fat ass
6) hasnít really done anything, but boy Iíve a had few tonight!

I have detected -Insert Name-ís evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of:
1) wildly inflating minor personal slights
2) emotional rationalizations
3) gossiping
4) observing the inscrutable fluctuations of my Sense Of Life
5) drinking heavily

-Insert name- now stands revealed as an unmitigated:
1) pile of excrement
2) pomowanker
3) cockroach
4) Saddamite
5) member of The Objectivist Centre

-Insert Name-ís other unspeakably evil acts include:
1) Furthering my career
2) Sub-editing or writing for my publications for no payment
3) Building, maintaining and contributing to my websites for no payment
4) Lending my previous failed projects their personal support
5) Occasionally criticizing my personal behaviour

Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to:
1)The obvious inability of others to understand the concept of personal responsibility
2)my vast benevolence blinding me to the evil that surrounds me
3)their underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Randís glorious legacy
4)the influence of Immanuel Kant on Western Civilisation

As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to:
1)issue a hysterically overwrought public denunciation
2)let someone else do the dirty work who I can then back to the hilt
3)demand everyone else side with 1) or 2) or be similarly denounced
4)pretend my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance

After all, this is surely what would be done by:
1) Ayn Rand herself, despite the fact that James Valliant has proved she never did anything of the sort and anyone who says so is an evading liar.
2) A dedicated philosophic individualist who understands and respect the value of individual privacy whenever it suits me to
3) A rationally passionate hero
4) An emotionally incontinent drama queen

However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction ĖInsert Name- can:
1) Repent and acquiesce to all charges. Extra points if a fawning tribute to the philosophic virtue of my uncontrollable anger is tacked on.
2) Acquiesce to any and all future insults by me Ė just think of them as an occasional loyalty test, baby!
3) Do what few rational men have ever done before: actually PAY for subscription to the Free Radical (note: my sanction will renewed only after the cheque has cleared)

Now I have properly identified and denounced -Insert Name- as unspeakably evil I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as:
1)my multitude of other personal feuds - or as I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism!
2)there is no number 2

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a true Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.

-Insert Name-, I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that!

Signed
(Insert Name of Denouncer)



#2 Michael Stuart Kelly

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 03:41 AM

Bruce,

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL...

Dayaamm!

If you ever discover whoever did that, I would like to meet him/her. That is what I mean by lampooning with talent. Roger and I consistently do some cool stuff too (see the Humor section), and there are sporadic things that pop up that are funny as all get out.

(btw - Welcome to OL. That was one hell of a splash.)

One aspect of this that I find interesting is that it was sent to you by e-mail. Once this type of thing starts developing, a roll gets going and it will now have to play itself out. I speculate that it is just starting and nowhere near its climax. Also, since a very talented person was involved with this one, more and more talented people will try to put something of their own together and send it around. And I would bet good money that even ARI sympathizers are (or will be) chuckling over this thing, a the least.

I wonder what it feels like to start turning into the biggest laughing stock of the Objectivist movement. Short of dying or suddenly having a serious health problem, there is no turning the tide once it gets to this point.

Perigo is now becoming the court fool.

(Do you hear that, Majesty?)

That is something he can do with competence and be remembered by it.

Michael

#3 Rich Engle

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 08:40 AM

Good Lord, that is maybe the finest thing I have ever seen about this whole microcosm.

It says it all...

ROFL, with bells and whistles and Mardi Gras beads!

:D/

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#4 Kat

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Posted 03 May 2006 - 06:36 PM

Here is the letter I almost received after Michael got banned and while I was still a staffer there. :D


Dear Kat

It seems I have been betrayed by Michael Stuart Kelly Stuart Stuart, someone I considered a NEM, dear friend, soulmate, and exemplar of rational passion.

Michael has committed the unspeakably evil act of saying something nice about the Brandens, speaking out against PARC, and many other unspeakable crimes which I can't recall because Iíve a had few tonight!

I have detected Michael's evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of drinking heavily and reading OL. Michael now stands revealed as an unmitigated Brandenite and toxic slug and has now been banished to the lowest rungs of hell. Michaelsís other unspeakably evil acts include writing for my publications for no payment as well as serving on my staff.

Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships is something I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to others' underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Randís glorious legacy.

As a result, I have decided the only moral course of action is to let someone else do the dirty work who I can then back to the hilt, demand everyone else side with, or be similarly denounced. My hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance.

After all, this is surely what would be done by an emotionally incontinent drama queen.

However, as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction Michael can do what few rational men have ever done before: actually PAY for subscription to the Free Radical (note: my sanction will renewed only after the cheque has cleared). On second thought, since he actually is a paid subscriber and benefactor to the website, he will never ever receive my sanction. I cannot be bought. At least not until he denounces Barbara Branden.

Now that I have properly identified and denounced Michael as unspeakably evil, I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as my multitude of other personal feuds - or as I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism!

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is, in the ultimate reality of my own mind, a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because, unlike so many others, I am a true Objectivist; therefore, whatever state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.

I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that!

Signed
Dizzy



#5 Michael Stuart Kelly

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Posted 12 June 2006 - 10:10 PM

I decided to move this from "Rants" to "Humor" for obvious reasons.

What a delicious lampoon!

Michael

#6 Jody Gomez

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Posted 12 June 2006 - 10:24 PM

rofl...hell, I fell through the floor I laughed so hard.

#7 Chris Grieb

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Posted 14 June 2006 - 01:54 PM

Very, very funny! Thank you!

#8 Michael Stuart Kelly

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Posted 17 June 2006 - 04:00 PM

Open Letter to OL readers about the dastardly Chris Sciabarra from Dyiní OíShayme

Note to readers:

I just received an open letter that I feel a compelling moral imperative to reproduce here. If not, my integrity would be forever endangered by permanent categorical evasion syndrome resulting from bad premises.

For the record, Dyiní OíShayme did not give me permission to publish this text. On the contrary, despite sending me an open letter to OL readers in private, she said it was confidential and if I did not understand that, I had a distorted epistemology and she would do it.

But I went ahead and did it.

Michael


Dear Outraged Living (OL) Reader,

It seems I have been betrayed by Chris Sciabarra, someone I considered a dear friend, soulmate and exemplar of rational passion. Chris has committed the unspeakably evil act of saying something bad about me in private and saying something nice about the Brandens. †

I have detected Chrisís evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of wildly inflating minor personal slights, emotional rationalizations and gossiping. Chris now stands revealed as an unmitigated pile of excrement, prick and cockroach.

Chrisís other unspeakably evil acts include furthering my academic career and lending my previous failed intellectual projects his personal support.

Of course, the fact that these angry denunciations happen almost monthly with respect to my former friends and relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to the obvious inability of others to understand the concept of personal responsibility, their underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Randís glorious legacy, and the influence of Immanuel Kant on Western Civilization.

As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to issue a few hysterically overwrought public condemnations and pretend my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance.

After all, this is surely what would be done by any dedicated philosophic individualist who understands and respects the value of individual privacy whenever it suits them, any rationally passionate hero, and even Ayn Rand herself, despite the fact that James Valliant has proved she never did anything of the sort and anyone who says so is an evading liar.

However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction Chris can repent and acquiesce to all charges. Then he can repudiate everything he has ever written. Then he can... come to think of it, he can't. Chris will never be able to restore my sanction so long as the ARI people don't like him and he insists on being suboptimal and unfortunate.

Now I have properly identified and denounced Chris as unspeakably evil I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as my multitude of other denunciations - or as some call it, Sucking up to ARI by Publicly Bitching about People I Think ARI Doesn't Like. I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism!

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a True Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in or wherever I need to curry favor, it is always morally justified. †

Chris, I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that! †

Sincerely,

Dyiní OíShayme


PS: Ultimately, all that I ask is that Outraged Living (OL) readers consider the evidence I've presented, investigate the facts for themselves, and then act accordingly.



#9 Michael Stuart Kelly

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Posted 18 June 2006 - 08:27 PM

Out of nowhere, Stephan Kinsella and I started corresponding by e-mail. I find that I like him very much. He has linked to this OL thread on his blog at lewrockwell.com.

Please feel free to visit his own libertarian blog. (We have also included his link in our "Links" section.) He's a good thinker, good dude, good...

(Ah... enough of this already... just visit him...)

Michael

#10 C. Jordan

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Posted 18 June 2006 - 08:50 PM

To Whom May Give a Rat's Patoot:

It seems I have been betrayed by Chrys Jordan, someone I considered a random internet correspondent. Mr. Jordan, however, has committed the unspeakably evil act of saying something nice about the Brandens. What is worse, Jordan ACTUALLY POSTS ON THE OBJECTIVIST LIVING FORUM. How dare he do such a thing? Boy, Iíve a had few tonight!

I have detected Mr. Jordanís evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of emotional rationalizations, brought on by my drinking heavily. But never mind that. Jordan has dared to question my objectivity. He now stands revealed as an unmitigated member of The Objectivist Centre.

Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to my vast benevolence blinding me to the evil that surrounds me; combined with their underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Randís glorious legacy. As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to issue a hysterically overwrought public denunciation, while pretending that my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance

After all, this is surely what would be done by a rationally passionate hero such as Ayn Rand herself, despite the fact that James Valliant has proved she never did anything of the sort and anyone who says so is an evading liar. And did someone call me an emotionally incontinent drama queen? What bullö#ÓÜ! I happen to be a dedicated philosophic individualist who understands and respect the value of individual privacy whenever it suits me to do so.

However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction Mr. Jordan can buy (at full retail price) the TRUTH by Mr. Valliant, and read it from cover to cover. He will be tested on everything therein, and showing the slightest shadow of doubt will of course result in my withdrawing my sanction again! He never deserved it in the first place.

Not that I spend any time thinking of so low a passion as swatting flies like Jordan. What, do you think I have nothing better to do but spend my time cooking noodles and accusing you folks of your properly unspeakably dishonest evasions. I am pursuing a career in Defending True Objectivism! According to the Heir to the Goddess Rand. What else should one do with one's life? Think independently? That is only for people who ALREADY AGREE WITH RAND'S LITERARY HEIR. If you're not an heir-head, you haven't got the brains of a constipated canary.

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a true Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.

Mr. Jordan: if I ever see you on my website, I will scream unprintable obscenities at the top of my lungs. I will revoke your library card. I will shave your cat. I will only issue denunciations of you ever 28 days, in case you think I have nothing better to do than worry about you AND Sciabarra AND Michael Kelly AND Phil Scoggins AND the Anti-Rand Brandens, AND the rest of your clique.

I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that!


***modified *** You got that right, oh my Mother Superior. The REAL Dagny Taggart has said it all, nothing more needs to be added, but when I see such premature ejaculation, I MUST swat an arrogant fly like you, Jordan, you [unprintable], why don't you lie down on the tracks and wait for the REAL DAGNY to run you over? And don't bother replying, I don't have to put up with your profanity! Yours INsincerely, Banana laPeach.
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, won't go away." Philip K. Dick

#11 Barbara Branden

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Posted 18 June 2006 - 10:17 PM

Chrys: "Mr. Jordan, however, has committed the unspeakably evil act of saying something nice about the Brandens."

I, for one, find it impossible to believe that he wold commit so heinous an act.

Barbara

#12 studiodekadent

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Posted 05 May 2007 - 10:58 AM

Official Solo Schism Form letter

Dear Hopefully Outraged Reader,

It seems I have been betrayed by all other alleged Objectivists , people I consider

4) random internet correspondents.

All other alleged Objectivists have committed the unspeakably evil act of:
OTHER: Acting on the basis of pseudo-Kantian Epistemologies, that have resulted in Objectivism being hijacked by Moral Tolerationists, Moral Intolerationists, Dialecticians, Anti-Dialecticians, Randian Feminists, Randian Antifeminists, Academic Acceptability Promoters, Academic Acceptability Apathetics, Kelleyites, Piekhovians, SOLOists and RORists and multiple other causes that claim to be Objectivist!

I have detected all other alleged Objectivist's evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of:
2) emotional rationalizations (based on the fact Im the only real Objectivist, everyone else is a Postmodern-Platonic-Concretebound-Floatingabstractionist idiot attempting to destroy Objectivism!)

All other alleged Objectivists now stand revealed as unmitigated:
1) piles of excrement

All other alleged Objectivists' other unspeakably evil acts include:
OTHER: Sanctioning PAR, Sanctioning PARC, Sanctioning Truth and Toleration, Sanctioning Fact and Value, Sanctioning ARI, Sanctioning TOC, Sanctioning any economist other than Mises, Sanctioning Mises (that rationalistic Kantian!), Voting Democrat, Voting Republican, Voting, Not Voting, Sleeping with Lindsay Pergio, Sleeping with Leonard Piekhoff, Sleeping with Ed Hudgins, Sleeping with Carolyn Ray, Sleeping with Diana Hseih, Sleeping with Tara Smith, and refusing to sleep with me! (After all, Im so infinitely much more Objective than any of them!)

Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to:
2)my vast benevolence blinding me to the evil that surrounds me
3)their underlying envy of my status as the one true upholder of Ayn Randís glorious legacy
4)the influence of Immanuel Kant on Western Civilisation

As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to:
1)issue a hysterically overwrought public denunciation
4)pretend recognize my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance

After all, this is surely what would be done by:
3) A rationally passionate hero (which of course, I am, being Howard Roark wrought in flesh).

However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction, all other alleged Objectivists can:
1) Repent and acquiesce to all charges. Extra points if a fawning tribute to the philosophic virtue of my uncontrollable anger is tacked on.

Now I have properly identified and denounced all other alleged Objectivists as unspeakably evil I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as:
1)my multitude of other personal feuds - or as I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism! Which of course, Im the only representative of!

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a true Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.

All other alleged Objectivists are not Objectivists. Only I carry the torch of reason. Anyone that says otherwise is an evader.

Signed,
Andrew

Ahh, the culture of "denounce everyone" finally reaches its logical, but funny, conclusion!

Edited by studiodekadent, 05 May 2007 - 11:01 AM.

www.myspace.com/studiodekadent

#13 Bruce DC

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Posted 06 June 2007 - 05:47 AM

Hi, This was forwarded to me by a friend, thought it was too good not to pass on :-)

The Objectivist schisms on SoloHQ and now Solopassion have become so frequent that for future convenience a simple form letter has been drawn up. Simply select among the options to easily customize your denunciation:

Official Solo Schism Form letter

Dear Hopefully Outraged Reader

It seems I have been betrayed by -Insert Name - , someone I considered a:
1) business partner
2) dear friend and soulmate
3) exemplar of rational passion
4) random internet correspondent

-Insert Name- has committed the unspeakably evil act of:
1) saying something bad about me in private
2) saying something bad about Mario Lanza
3) saying something nice about the Brandens
4) failing to memorize every article ever published in
the Free Radical
5) dumping my sorry fat ass
6) hasnít really done anything, but boy Iíve a had few tonight!

I have detected -Insert Name-ís evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of:
1) wildly inflating minor personal slights
2) emotional rationalizations
3) gossiping
4) observing the inscrutable fluctuations of my Sense Of Life
5) drinking heavily

-Insert name- now stands revealed as an unmitigated:
1) pile of excrement
2) pomowanker
3) cockroach
4) Saddamite
5) member of The Objectivist Centre

-Insert Name-ís other unspeakably evil acts include:
1) Furthering my career
2) Sub-editing or writing for my publications for no payment
3) Building, maintaining and contributing to my websites for no payment
4) Lending my previous failed projects their personal support
5) Occasionally criticizing my personal behaviour

Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to:
1)The obvious inability of others to understand the concept of personal responsibility
2)my vast benevolence blinding me to the evil that surrounds me
3)their underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Randís glorious legacy
4)the influence of Immanuel Kant on Western Civilisation

As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to:
1)issue a hysterically overwrought public denunciation
2)let someone else do the dirty work who I can then back to the hilt
3)demand everyone else side with 1) or 2) or be similarly denounced
4)pretend my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance

After all, this is surely what would be done by:
1) Ayn Rand herself, despite the fact that James Valliant has proved she never did anything of the sort and anyone who says so is an evading liar.
2) A dedicated philosophic individualist who understands and respect the value of individual privacy whenever it suits me to
3) A rationally passionate hero
4) An emotionally incontinent drama queen

However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction ĖInsert Name- can:
1) Repent and acquiesce to all charges. Extra points if a fawning tribute to the philosophic virtue of my uncontrollable anger is tacked on.
2) Acquiesce to any and all future insults by me Ė just think of them as an occasional loyalty test, baby!
3) Do what few rational men have ever done before: actually PAY for subscription to the Free Radical (note: my sanction will renewed only after the cheque has cleared)

Now I have properly identified and denounced -Insert Name- as unspeakably evil I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as:
1)my multitude of other personal feuds - or as I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism!
2)there is no number 2

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a true Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.

-Insert Name-, I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that!

Signed
(Insert Name of Denouncer)



#14 Michael Stuart Kelly

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Posted 06 June 2007 - 10:46 PM

Bruce,

Welcome back! I am going to help out your last post a bit. You did not add a title, so some posters might skip over your post thinking that you made some kind of technical mistake. Here is your updated Beta version as given in your last post.

Michael


THE NEW IMPROVED VERSION

The Objectivist schisms on SoloHQ and now Solopassion have become so frequent that for future convenience a simple form letter has been drawn up. Simply select among the options to easily customize your denunciation:

Official Solo Schism Form letter

Dear Hopefully Outraged Reader

It seems I have been betrayed by -Insert Name - , someone I considered a:
1) business partner
2) dear friend and soulmate
3) exemplar of rational passion
4) random internet correspondent

-Insert Name- has committed the unspeakably evil act of:
1) saying something bad about me in private
2) saying something bad about Mario Lanza
3) saying something nice about the Brandens
4) failing to memorize every article ever published in
the Free Radical
5) dumping my sorry fat ass
6) hasnít really done anything, but boy Iíve a had few tonight!

I have detected -Insert Name-ís evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of:
1) wildly inflating minor personal slights
2) emotional rationalizations
3) gossiping
4) observing the inscrutable fluctuations of my Sense Of Life
5) drinking heavily

-Insert name- now stands revealed as an unmitigated:
1) pile of excrement
2) pomowanker
3) cockroach
4) Saddamite
5) member of The Objectivist Centre

-Insert Name-ís other unspeakably evil acts include:
1) Furthering my career
2) Sub-editing or writing for my publications for no payment
3) Building, maintaining and contributing to my websites for no payment
4) Lending my previous failed projects their personal support
5) Occasionally criticizing my personal behaviour

Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to:
1)The obvious inability of others to understand the concept of personal responsibility
2)my vast benevolence blinding me to the evil that surrounds me
3)their underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Randís glorious legacy
4)the influence of Immanuel Kant on Western Civilisation

As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to:
1)issue a hysterically overwrought public denunciation
2)let someone else do the dirty work who I can then back to the hilt
3)demand everyone else side with 1) or 2) or be similarly denounced
4)pretend my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance

After all, this is surely what would be done by:
1) Ayn Rand herself, despite the fact that James Valliant has proved she never did anything of the sort and anyone who says so is an evading liar.
2) A dedicated philosophic individualist who understands and respect the value of individual privacy whenever it suits me to
3) A rationally passionate hero
4) An emotionally incontinent drama queen

However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction ĖInsert Name- can:
1) Repent and acquiesce to all charges. Extra points if a fawning tribute to the philosophic virtue of my uncontrollable anger is tacked on.
2) Acquiesce to any and all future insults by me Ė just think of them as an occasional loyalty test, baby!
3) Do what few rational men have ever done before: actually PAY for subscription to the Free Radical (note: my sanction will renewed only after the cheque has cleared)

Now I have properly identified and denounced -Insert Name- as unspeakably evil I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as:
1)my multitude of other personal feuds - or as I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism!
2)there is no number 2

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a true Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.

-Insert Name-, I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that!

Signed
(Insert Name of Denouncer)


Know thyself...


#15 Bruce DC

Bruce DC
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Posted 07 June 2007 - 05:41 AM

Bruce,

Welcome back! I am going to help out your last post a bit. You did not add a title, so some posters might skip over your post thinking that you made some kind of technical mistake. Here is your updated Beta version as given in your last post.

Michael


THE NEW IMPROVED VERSION

The Objectivist schisms on SoloHQ and now Solopassion have become so frequent that for future convenience a simple form letter has been drawn up. Simply select among the options to easily customize your denunciation:

Official Solo Schism Form letter

Dear Hopefully Outraged Reader

It seems I have been betrayed by -Insert Name - , someone I considered a:
1) business partner
2) dear friend and soulmate
3) exemplar of rational passion
4) random internet correspondent

-Insert Name- has committed the unspeakably evil act of:
1) saying something bad about me in private
2) saying something bad about Mario Lanza
3) saying something nice about the Brandens
4) failing to memorize every article ever published in
the Free Radical
5) dumping my sorry fat ass
6) hasnít really done anything, but boy Iíve a had few tonight!

I have detected -Insert Name-ís evildoing through an objectively irrefutable process of:
1) wildly inflating minor personal slights
2) emotional rationalizations
3) gossiping
4) observing the inscrutable fluctuations of my Sense Of Life
5) drinking heavily

-Insert name- now stands revealed as an unmitigated:
1) pile of excrement
2) pomowanker
3) cockroach
4) Saddamite
5) member of The Objectivist Centre

-Insert Name-ís other unspeakably evil acts include:
1) Furthering my career
2) Sub-editing or writing for my publications for no payment
3) Building, maintaining and contributing to my websites for no payment
4) Lending my previous failed projects their personal support
5) Occasionally criticizing my personal behaviour

Of course, the fact that these angry schisms happen almost monthly in my relationships I take no personal responsibility for, but attribute to:
1)The obvious inability of others to understand the concept of personal responsibility
2)my vast benevolence blinding me to the evil that surrounds me
3)their underlying envy of my status as the one of the few true upholders of Ayn Randís glorious legacy
4)the influence of Immanuel Kant on Western Civilisation

As a result I have decided the only moral course of action is to:
1)issue a hysterically overwrought public denunciation
2)let someone else do the dirty work who I can then back to the hilt
3)demand everyone else side with 1) or 2) or be similarly denounced
4)pretend my hurt feelings are actually matters of profound philosophic importance

After all, this is surely what would be done by:
1) Ayn Rand herself, despite the fact that James Valliant has proved she never did anything of the sort and anyone who says so is an evading liar.
2) A dedicated philosophic individualist who understands and respect the value of individual privacy whenever it suits me to
3) A rationally passionate hero
4) An emotionally incontinent drama queen

However as my rational benevolence knows no bounds, to restore my sanction ĖInsert Name- can:
1) Repent and acquiesce to all charges. Extra points if a fawning tribute to the philosophic virtue of my uncontrollable anger is tacked on.
2) Acquiesce to any and all future insults by me Ė just think of them as an occasional loyalty test, baby!
3) Do what few rational men have ever done before: actually PAY for subscription to the Free Radical (note: my sanction will renewed only after the cheque has cleared)

Now I have properly identified and denounced -Insert Name- as unspeakably evil I am free to pursue the main achievements of my life, such as:
1)my multitude of other personal feuds - or as I prefer to call it, Defending True Objectivism!
2)there is no number 2

Remember, what may appear to the philosophically uninitiated as an embarrassing series of obscure personal vendettas played out in public to a mixture of dismay, ridicule and ultimately self-parody is in the ultimate reality of my own mind a glorious battle fought by moi in the name of Ayn Rand for the very soul of mankind itself! I know this in my heart because unlike so many others I am a true Objectivist; therefore whatever emotional state I find myself in, it is always morally justified.

-Insert Name-, I thought you were worthy of my friendship - but I know that you are better than that!

Signed
(Insert Name of Denouncer)



#16 Pam Maltzman

Pam Maltzman

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 01:42 AM

Thanks for the giggles, all of you!




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