The First Glance--Appearances Mean Everything


Dodger

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(This is a topic I have posted in another forum, and I thought I would post it here to)

The First Glance

Appearances Mean Everything

It is common, if not conventional knowledge that first impressions are important for those with intentions. If you want to land the job of your dreams, you always spend extra time in front of the mirror, trying oh so desperately to look your best.

So, obviously, one would assume that in order to attract the most desirable woman one must present himself well.

But is this truly the case?

Not entirely.

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Everyone believes in something and has faith in something, whether it be a god of sorts, an ideal, a standard, or another person. We all have something we value the most and something that keeps us alive. These core, essential values are what shape the person that you are.

Think about yourself on the most fundamental, the most basic, the most often overlooked level. Define yourself accordingly, and relate your basic value to the actions and words you speak.

If you are honest with yourself, you will see a direct relation in your actions and your core, essential value or belief.

With this knowledge in hand, you must admit that every action and word spoken is a surrender of sorts--When you speak, when you act, when you simply stand and do nothing, everything that anyone will ever need to know about you can be seen at the first glance.

Sounds a bit strange doesn't it? I'm willing to bet you are thinking right now that my post is worthless and a waste of your time. But if I am wrong, and you are looking for the value, than please, do not miss this part:

In order for you to find and attract that which you truly want, all you have to do is exist.

If you are dishonest with yourself, you will attract dishonest people. If you are honest with yourself, you will attract honest people. And most importantly:

If you love yourself, you will attract people who love themselves.

Humor me for the moment and pretend that my premise of the first glance is a true, unrefutable fact. If it is true, then the people you want near you will want to be near you as well, because they will see you for what you are before any conversation is had.

Men: If you keep coming up short and keep getting the women that you think you dont want, maybe it is because you dont want yourself. Maybe you aren't happy with your own existence, so you attract women who are the same, and who hold up the mirror to your low self esteem.

Oh, but that cant be the case, can it?

I think it is the case.

In order to say 'I love you' one must first learn to say the word 'I' and MEAN it. Otherwise the phrase is meaningless, and the love you present is like that of a parasite; sucking the life of your girlfriend away because you have none to live.

You must be selfish and know what you want in order to attract and find what you want, because the first glance means everything.

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First impressions can be about more than how someone looks. What you say when you first meet someone and howyou act plays a part too.

I think that basing your first impressions on looks alone is unfair but taking time to get to know a person is not always an option.

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You mention a "premise of the first glance," but I don't see that your statement is a premise - a statement from which you derive conclusions - at all. It's a testable assertion that stands in need of evidence. How did you reach this conclusion? What cases did you examine? How many observers were making these judgements? What sort of verification / followup did you do? To bring in the classic quick-elimination test of seriousness: what would convince you that the assertion is false?

Your first-glance suggestion looks like material for a straightforward psychological experiment. I'd be interested in seeing that experiment.

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...Humor me for the moment and pretend that my premise of the first glance is a true, unrefutable fact. If it is true, then the people you want near you will want to be near you as well, because they will see you for what you are before any conversation is had... You must be selfish and know what you want in order to attract and find what you want, because the first glance means everything.

But...I think that many, many people are more likely to try to see others through the lens of their own attitudes and experience and get a distorted or completely false picture. That is to say, they see only what they wish, or only what they expect, or only what they are familiar with, and will try to force their perception of another into that "preset." One's real personal attitudes may not be visible to them at all.

As an example, in my experience many people seem to insist on seeing both confidence and a reserved manner as arrogance; and they generally don't bother to find out if they're right or not.

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Out of curiosity, I started looking for the Hugo quote. I haven't found it so far, but I did find this gem from Les Miserables, Chapter III, "Effect of the Spring":

One day, the air was warm, the Luxembourg was inundated with light and shade, the sky was as pure as though the angels had washed it that morning, the sparrows were giving vent to little twitters in the depths of the chestnut-trees. Marius had thrown open his whole soul to nature, he was not thinking of anything, he simply lived and breathed, he passed near the bench, the young girl raised her eyes to him, the two glances met.

What was there in the young girl's glance on this occasion? Marius could not have told. There was nothing and there was everything. It was a strange flash.

She dropped her eyes, and he pursued his way.

What he had just seen was no longer the ingenuous and simple eye of a child; it was a mysterious gulf which had half opened, then abruptly closed again.

There comes a day when the young girl glances in this manner. Woe to him who chances to be there!

That first gaze of a soul which does not, as yet, know itself, is like the dawn in the sky. It is the awakening of something radiant and strange. Nothing can give any idea of the dangerous charm of that unexpected gleam, which flashes suddenly and vaguely forth from adorable shadows, and which is composed of all the innocence of the present, and of all the passion of the future. It is a sort of undecided tenderness which reveals itself by chance, and which waits. It is a snare which the innocent maiden sets unknown to herself, and in which she captures hearts without either wishing or knowing it. It is a virgin looking like a woman.

It is rare that a profound revery does not spring from that glance, where it falls. All purities and all candors meet in that celestial and fatal gleam which, more than all the best-planned tender glances of coquettes, possesses the magic power of causing the sudden blossoming, in the depths of the soul, of that sombre flower, impregnated with perfume and with poison, which is called love.

Michael

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  • 7 years later...
  • 8 months later...

Wow! I'll take him--with fries.

--Brant

lucky you you got there first

now I want a woman--my natural default--too much pain; it's my only way out

I'm complicated--and I hate it

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Wow! I'll take him--with fries.

--Brant

lucky you you got there first

now I want a woman--my natural default--too much pain; it's my only way out

I'm complicated--and I hate it

I need to find another discussion group.

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Wow! I'll take him--with fries.

--Brant

lucky you you got there first

now I want a woman--my natural default--too much pain; it's my only way out

I'm complicated--and I hate it

I need to find another discussion group.

Why are you talking?

What does this have to do with you?

Love/hate love?

It was just love.

--Brant

anybody think I'd leave Stephen out there all alone?

https://youtu.be/2RRoCkncvYo

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