Male and Female Friendships:


Victor Pross

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Male and Female friendships: Is a platonic friendship possible?

I was having a very interesting conversation with Angie, posing questions that relate to the “sexual politics” between men and women. One such question involved friendships with members of the opposite sex.

Here is the scenario: You are involved in a romantic relationship, and perhaps you are even married or living together. It is a good relationship, and you are both committed and genuinely in love with each other. And your partner has a friendship…with a member of the opposite sex.

Would you be jealous if your partner had a strictly platonic friend?

Keep this in mind: Being friends, they go out now and then to events, movies and a game of tennis, let’s say. They clearly enjoy each other's compnay. Your partner insures you that they have no romantic feelings for this person, and yet there is an intimacy there, one characteristic of friendship. It is a non-sexual intimacy…but intimacy it is.

How would you handle this situation? Would you have full trust and confidence in your partner, happy that they have a good friend? Or would the green-eyed monster—jealousy—drive you up the wall? Would you intensely dislike this friendship? Would you ask your partner to terminate the relationship? Or what?

**

Edited by Victor Pross
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Male and Female friendships: Is a platonic friendship possible?

I was having a very interesting conversation with Angie, posing questions that relate to the “sexual politics” between men and woman. One such question involved friendships with members of the opposite sex.

Here is the scenario: You are involved in a romantic relationship, and perhaps you are even married or living together. It is a good relationship, and you are both committed and genuinely in love with each other. And your partner has a friendship…with a member of the opposite sex.

Would you be jealous if your partner had a strictly platonic friend?

Keep this in mind: Being friends, they go out now and then to events, movies and a game of tennis, let’s say. They clearly enjoy each other's compnay. Your partner reinforces to insure you that they have no romantic feelings for this person, and yet there is an intimacy there, one characteristic of friendship. It is a non-sexual intimacy…but intimacy it is.

How would you handle this situation? Would you have full trust and confidence in your partner, happy that they have a good friend? Or would the green-eyed monster—jealousy—drive you up the wall? Would intensely dislike this friendship? Would you ask your partner to terminate the relationship? Or what?

Well, my first question to you is, was her male friend in the picture before you? A second question is, do they have a romantic history? A third question is, what are your feelings about her frined? Do you feel he is trust worthy? And, is He in a relationship too?

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David,

Well, to expand on my hypothetical scenario for the sake of discussion, let’s answer your questions in the order you asked them:

*Sure, the male friend was in the picture before me. They are close friends.

*I think he’s a pretty cool guy, and I can see how my girlfriend would like him, but I actually know very little about him.

*This male friend is single, but attractive.

I could answer how I would feel about Angie having close male friends, but I am curious to see how others answer the scenario as asked in this post.

-Victor

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Sure it's possible to have for your wife/girlfriend to have platonic friends. This is a silly limitation and restriction on this really indicates a lack of respect for their judgment. There is always the possibility that they will find someone that is a better match for them but that's part of life and it's best to deal with it openly. I suppose it's also possible to be married/have a serious girlfriend you love very much who likes to play games and test limits. In that case, you may have to step up and enforce boundaries.

I also think people get the wrong impression from the Atlas storyline that people automatically want to have a relationship with someone who is "better" than their spouse/longtime significant other. The fact is that if you are in a loving marriage, you put a lot of time and commitment into nurturing that value as did your partner and that is not something that is thrown away lightly.

Jim

Edited by James Heaps-Nelson
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Victor's good-bye post was a sham. In the two weeks after his "departure" he has posted more than 40 messages and now he's now even starting a new thread. Why all this comedy?

Not a sham. A slight change of mind given the PM’s I received (and on-line) asking me to stick around or else not to disappear all together. Still, considering that you are keeping account of how many posts I'm up to, (“but I do think of you, Victor”) [ :turned: ] I will pull back even more—because I need to get ICONS completed. Now then, what are your views on the subject of this thread?

[This is now 41 posts after the two-weeks I said 'good-bye, Dragonfly]

Edited by Victor Pross
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So may things I need to know about their relationship. But of course, with me, one question always leads to another. I am inquisitive that way.

But anyway, I am not a jealous man. my current girlfriend has a serious problem with that. I wouldn't have a problem with my woman having a male friend. Until I am proven wrong, I trust them both. :cool:

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Dragonfly,

Let it go. The worst thing that can happen is that we can't necessarily take what Victor says on intellectual topics to be 100% original. We can hope that he will change, but that's up to him.

Jim

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Dragonfly,

Let it go. The worst thing that can happen is that we can't necessarily take what Victor says on intellectual topics to be 100% original. We can hope that he will change, but that's up to him.

Jim

Jim,

I am a new man, thanks to Dragonfly and all the inspiration he gave me from all his "original" thoughts. :) (42 posts now from my good-bye thread).

Victor

Edited by Victor Pross
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So may things I need to know about their relationship. But of course, with me, one question always leads to another. I am inquisitive that way.

But anyway, I am not a jealous man. my current girlfriend has a serious problem with that. I wouldn't have a problem with my woman having a male friend. Until I am proven wrong, I trust them both. :cool:

David,

Do you have female friends as it stands now? And how, if you don't mind my asking, do you 'manage' (for want of a better term) your girlfriend's jealousy?

-Victor

Edited by Victor Pross
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I am a new man, thanks to Dragonfly and all the inspiration he gave me from all his "original" thoughts. :) (42 posts now from my good-bye thread).

My thoughts are at least more original than your plagiarisms.

Okay, Drag, ouch...that really hurts me. But I'm okay now and I can return to society. Okay, thanks for your concern on this most grave matter. :)

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Victor's good-bye post was a sham. In the two weeks after his "departure" he has posted more than 40 messages and now he's now even starting a new thread. Why all this comedy?

A lot of Victor's posts were silly ones in my birthday thread, the Stones thread, etc. He has pulled back significantly. What can I say? I'm tempting. :devil: :lol:

Anway, with regard to the topic, I would not be jealous (bares fangs) if my partner had a female friend. I would be a little more alert to the way he acts around her, however, because I know how I am and I know my own experience.

For example, I'm very close to my best friend James (who is in a relationship). We are merely friends, but there has always been that little something more. A deeper connection and a physical attraction. We both know that if we were together it would not work out, yet there's still that desire (for lack of a better word) for a little bit more. His girlfriend is a bit (and by 'bit' I mean a lot) jealous of me and when the three of us are together she always clings onto him and tries to drag his attention away from me (what can I say? I'm a fuckin' magnet). In this case, although I hate to admit it, I think that some of her jealousy is justified because of some things that I shall not speak aloud (but get your mind out of the gutter!).

Okay, I was headed somewhere with this, but now I've lost track. Anyway, this is thought provoking...I can't think of any male friend that I've had that I didn't have some sort of attraction or, to quote the dictionary, "sensual desire" for. BUT...for me, "sensual desire" comes along with admiration...and hell, I admire my friends (okay, only my male friends...teehee!). That's why they're my friends!

*sigh* Now I'm all confuzzled and I have to think about this more. Be back with more at anutha time.

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No sweat. Go out, enjoy -- I'm glad there's someone to go out with if I can't be there.

If they have a past romantic history -- I've always believed that once something is over, it's over. Perhaps that's naive on my part, but that's the way I am, and I tend to judge other people by myself. Go out with the ex and have a good time. :) It's me to whom he comes home, after all.

Judith

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  • 3 years later...

It's only human to be at least a little attracted to a friend of the opposite sex.

Define friend. When I become friends with someone, it is because we have a mutual understanding and respect for each other. It's only natural for these feelings to escalate beyond a platonic level. The only difference between the person you date and a friend is that the former is also physically attractive in your eyes.

Respect is one of those things that do not lose value, well, not easily. In fact one of the things that causes me to respect a person is their unwavering solidarity. As soon as I get a small glimpse at a persons character, I know whether or not I want to know them.

I've never met a man I respected with all my heart, yet considered ugly.

This leads me to my POINT....haha

If my partner had a female friend, I would be jealous...only because I know this woman must possess some of the same traits that attracted him to me, BUT...I could never imagine actually voicing that concern, or trying to end their friendship. I'm fully aware of my attraction to my male friends, and JeanBean is no hypocrite.

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