Craving and Choice


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Craving and Choice

by Michael Stuart Kelly

Here is a small technique for addicts to beat craving attacks and strengthen their volition.

People who become addicted to a substance (or even a poor behavior) can get pretty perplexed about their own craving. They know it happens to them. They know how it feels. They know they do stupid things when it surges. They know they should do something about it, but they have a really hard time when it attacks.

The perception of craving by non-addicts doesn’t help, either. A non-addict usually sees craving as a glorified whim. When a non-addict observes an addict who is aware of his addiction repeat the same destructive behavior over and over, he gets the urge to cry out “What’s the matter with you? Why do you do that? You know you are destroying yourself!” Usually, when he talks to the addict, he adds another message, something like “All you have to do is choose to be different, stay committed, and it all goes away.”

Close, but no cigar.

An addict has to understand craving, not just ignore it, before he can beat it. The usual 12 step method is to hand it over to a Higher Power when it surges. This is powerful advice (for the unexpected reason of buying time) and it often works. There are also some catch-phrases, like “insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result” that are very useful. These approaches allow for a partial understanding of craving, enough so that a lucky few actually do benefit from them, but basically, they do not attack the problem of craving at the root. The fundamental nature of craving is what needs to be understood and dealt with.

There are three kinds of craving: (1) hormonal, (2) chemical dependence, and (3) psychological. Each type should ultimately be studied over time, but that will not be necessary here. They all have some fundamental elements in common and that is really good news for the addict. The cure for craving is the same in all three cases: abstinence and time. Nothing more is needed.

This, of course, presupposes that the addict has made the first step in admitting that he has a serious problem with addiction and that he wants to get rid of it.

If you are an addict reading this, my words cannot help you until you actually admit that you need help and decide to do something about it. Nobody can make that decision for you. Solving craving will not solve your addiction, which is more complex. It sure helps, though. There is no easy way around the truth and you need to face truth without escape clauses. You have fudged the truth plenty already during your addiction and look where it got you. So enough BS. Let’s deal with reality.

All animals have very strong inner feeding drives that prompt them to perform survival-related activities. This includes hunger, thirst and gasping for breath for intake. If these drives are not eventually acted on, the animal dies. Don’t forget that we humans are animals. When you feel these things, your body is telling you something on a very deep level. It is telling you to act and that the issue is serious. This also holds true for eliminating waste, and I include this in the term “feeding drive” since it is merely the end of the same cycle. Food goes in, waste goes out. All of our nourishment works that way, whether solid, liquid or gas.

One common criticism I have heard often against addicts is that, irrespective of the intensity of the craving, an addict ultimately chooses to put the substance in his body. Nobody forces him to seek the substance, prepare it and ingest it. Thus it is a matter of choice—end of story. The addict knows better, though. That is not the end of the story by a long shot. He still craves.

Let’s cut to the chase. Here is the principle: Craving overwhelms a person like a feeding drive and operates on the same level.

Let’s look at urinating to see what this means. The feeding drives to eliminate waste have a different aspect than ones for intake. If they are not acted on, they will perform the action they point to automatically over time. So suppose a person needs to urinate. After some time, he gets really uncomfortable. He squirms. He can ignore it for a bit, but it surges back, worse than before. There is only one result after it reaches an unbearable point of intensity: He will urinate all over himself.

Now, knowing that, would it be fair to say that urinating is a matter of choice only? It is true that a person chooses to hold it. He chooses to go to the bathroom. He chooses to undo his clothes so he doesn’t soil them. So he makes small choices. But medium term, does he really have a choice in the normal sense of the word? Not really. All those choices have a short time span. The alternative is suffering, loss of control and a mess.

This is where craving is similar. An addiction installs craving down on that deep primary level where a person feels he has to urinate: the feeding drive level. Down there, there is no reason. It is pure emotion, pure call to action that surges, maybe with some images thrown in. Words can be present, but they are few and are learned with great difficulty.

Toilet training a baby is an example of adding words. A baby does not become toilet trained from one day to the next. He needs a lot of experiences added to repeated commands and explanations. Finally it sinks in and he can control himself for a short time. He also learns the things he needs to do to relieve himself properly.

An addiction is simpler in this respect, but similar. It overwhelms like a feeding drive does. Of course, the addict has learned what he needs to do to relieve himself. He also has an inner certainty that if this drive is not acted on, some disaster like with urinating will happen. This certainty is false, but he has no way of knowing it on that level without words. There are no real verbal messages, except maybe something like, “Do something!” echoing through his mind during a craving surge. This is where craving is simpler than a normal feeding drive. And this is precisely where the addict can do something about it.

What happens when a addiction craving is not acted on? Here is the cycle: It gets more and more intense. It peaks. It dies away. There is an interval of peace. Then this cycle goes around again. Then again. And again. And so on. If the craving is not acted on, if the addiction is not fed, two very wonderful things happen:

(1) The intensity of the craving cycle starts decreasing, and

(2) The timing changes so that the craving cycle gets gradually shorter while the intervals of peace get longer.

The really good news reality-wise is that nothing bad like bursting your bladder ever happens. That is only a false impression that gets reprogrammed.

In some really horrible first stages of very intense addictions there might be some vomiting and diarrhea, but this is not felt as being on the same level. It is a mere reaction and does not have the sense of inevitability that comes with a feeding drive. It also does not last long. Without trying to make light of this problem (and it certainly is not pleasant), it is not as serious as the actual craving. And in the vast majority of cases, nothing more than cold sweats happen at worst.

When a person is intensely suffering a feeding drive like the need to urinate, he cannot think of very much else but his problem. All he can think of is to get to a bathroom so he can relieve himself. The feeling of substance craving is identical. He can’t think of hardly anything but relieving himself.

But there is one thing an addict can do with his craving. When it comes on, he can seek the serenity that comes with handing the problem over to a Higher Power simply by making a conscious effort to accept reality. All he needs to do during a craving attack is keep repeating to himself the following (holding on to it for dear life if need be):

“This is not like peeing and I will not burst. It will go away after a while. This is not like peeing and I will not burst. It will go away after a while. This is not like peeing and I will not burst. It will go away after a while.”

And so on. He should keep repeating this through the peak and until he feels relatively peaceful again.

He can change the phrase anyway he wants, but the essence should be as I wrote above. For example, he might prefer: “This is not like hunger and I will not die. It will go away after a while. However, I think something with more impact and sense of immediacy will be easier to hold on to during the overwhelming feelings.

If he does a small exercise like that during the craving cycle, it will run its course and the interval of peace will arrive. In addition to letting a craving cycle run, the addict will also be adding verbal information to his craving at the feeding drive level. He will be programming his subconscious. This is akin to toilet training and it should not be thought of as something shameful to do.

Shameful is giving up on addiction without a fight.

Once an addict goes through this same discipline for several craving cycles, he will notice that the intensity starts getting weaker. But even so, at times he will get really irritated, so this takes some commitment. Nobody ever promised that recovery would be a rose garden. At least this method works and that is a blessing. That is a whole lot more than he had before.

Like they say in recovery group meetings, the addict used his substance for years, but then expects to be all better in a week without any effort. That simply will not happen.

For any addict reading this, there is another thing to look out for. Sometimes, if you get irritated during a craving attack that you are fighting, this will transform into outrage at unfairness, self-pity, anger or some other strong negative emotion. This feels bad at the time, but it is actually good news. This means that you have the addiction on the run. At that moment it is not longer telling you that you will suffer dire consequences like bursting your bladder if you don't feed it, so it is trying to attack from another angle. If you hang on a little bit, these feelings go away. Don't forget that I am only talking about one craving attack here. The whole cycle will return with the next attack, but it will get weaker and weaker over time.

There is one error where you must be very careful. This can be fatal. You must never tell yourself that you hate using your substance. You know you like it. Your subconscious knows you like it. That's what the craving is all about. If you lie to yourself, you will strengthen your addiction. The truth is that you are giving up the substance to make a trade. You are getting your life back because you can't have both. Your subconscious will accept that. It will not accept a lie and let you off the hook. The craving attacks only get worse if you lie to yourself.

Relapses sometimes happen, but that is another story. The remedy is to do this all over again when the craving surges. You can count on craving, too. It is merciless and it will be back. So keep at it. You can only beat it over time. Abstinence is fundamental. Reprogramming your subconscious to root out the false certainty helps a lot.

For those who are not addicts, I hope you now understand a bit more about what the addicts you may know are going through with craving and what they can do about it.

And for the addicts, good luck. Recover. I care.

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