ASK ARISTOTOTLE; RATIONAL ROMANTIC ADVICE FOR THE SINGULAR SINGLE


caroljane

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Honoured Aristotle, my boyfriend is an Objectivist (I'm not), and he says it would really turn him on if I won a debate with him. How can I do that?

--Stumped in Seattle

Greeings, Lady Stumped.

You cannot win such a debate. I is inconsistent with the Law of Identity that an Objectivist can ever lose a debate, or even an argument with a non-Objectivist.

But what happens, you might ask, if two Objectivists argue?

Foolish girl! No wonder your boyfriend is looking for an excuse to dump you. Your dumb question flies in the face of reality. Objectivists of their essence do not argue with each other, as they share the same premises and proceed logically to correct conclusions. In the unreal hypothetical case that they might argue, however, of course they would both always win.

Have you not even heard of the Law of Pyrrhus?

(Guest advisor is the Sybil of Cumae. Ari had more valuable things to do with his time this week,)

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  • 2 months later...

APPEAL TO TECHNO-GODS BY WHATEVER NAMES YE BE KNOWN BY

I have issued forth another answer to the lovelorn, of useful study by maidens or indeed youths so inclined.

This scroll is lodged in another site where I cannot copy or retrieve it, without the aid of demigods.

I would bring such words to LOL here, if you could PM me if you feel called upon to do so.

In Awe,

Carol

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  • 10 months later...

It's great to be back! I just flew in from Pella, and boy are my wings tired. You know what they say.."Third Prize, three weeks in Pella.."

I;ve been taking care of some empirical responsibilities there. That empire needs some taking care of, I can tell you.

Today's letter is from Lady Anonyma of Onomatopoeia the Lesser, who is still seeking her own prize in the marital Olympiad:

Honoured Aristotle, I am a wellborn maiden with a goodly dowry. My father has been seeking to arrange a suitable match for me for some time now, well since I was born really, but most of the men of our polis were killed in the Minarchist wars and Father says he does not have the resources to bid for the survivors. The other fathers are just showoff spendthrift plutocrats, he says.

So he consulted the Oracle at Delphi, and after negotiations over the offering, in which Father says he came off best, Apollo told her to tell him this:

"In a valley far to the west is a land where dwell 1,000 men and only four women. There it is you shall find what you seek,"

Long story short, it was as he/she said. After many adventures and considerable slave turnover, we arrived in the valley of Onomatopoeia the Lesser, population now 1,006.

What a dump.

..Zeus! here comes Father I'm supposed to be weaving...Later!

to be continued

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I doubt this story.

Minarchists do not fight wars.

They build ever-evolving voluntary associations in mysterious but glorious ways that eventually become "governments," where nobody's rights were/are ever violated. Once this is accomplished, everybody sits around and watches Wilt Chamberlain. Play hoops, that is.

Somebody needs to get this Aristotle cat a copy of Nozick, preferably some of his earlier stuff.

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I doubt this story.

Minarchists do not fight wars.

They build ever-evolving voluntary associations in mysterious but glorious ways that eventually become "governments," where nobody's rights were/are ever violated. Once this is accomplished, everybody sits around and watches Wilt Chamberlain. Play hoops, that is.

Somebody needs to get this Aristotle cat a copy of Nozick, preferably some of his earlier stuff.

Somebody needs to get this impious man an oracle, quick! lest he "bring the unthought to be..."

We are not mocked!

Bacchus

Communications Director

Intercelestial Association of gods

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..contiinued.

So, here we are. Sure, there are men all over the place. But Father can't seem to find anybody more suitable than the dead Minarchists back home. This one is too poor, that one is too middle class (not that we have a middle class here that I can see), the other one is known to be possessed by Dionysus on occasion but not in an auspicious form.. on and on. One suitor (who looked pretty good to me at first) actually criticized my weaving (which is unsurpassable). And then, and then, he told Father that he could not feel alchemy with fat maidens. I am not fat!

Father rightly ended the negotiations there. He said that a certain kinkiness in a son-in-law is understandable, but a bad eye for cloth he could never tolerate.

Even the four other women here offer no companionship. One is too lowborn for me to associate with. One is a silly, jealous matron who thinks I am after her son, a total loser I would not touch with Charon's bargepole. The third is nice enough, but she's prettier than me, and the last one is a crazy old bat who has got religion in her old age and walks around dressed like Aphrodite, and raves about Mother Dia and Persephone all day and night.

I look up, up at the sheep dotted hills and my heart cries, "Is there an Onomatopoeia Major out there, where all the bestloookiing men are not poor or slaves, wherein I can find the husband I deserve or at least get away from the old man?"

Honoured Aristotle, I know you are acquainted with many Macedonian officers in Pella. You are my last hope.

Pleadingly,

Anonyma

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Lady Anonyma , Greetings.

Hark unto your father, He is a shrewd businessmman , but do not hark unto him when he repeats himself over and over.

Hark unto me, because I will only say this once.

Think no more of Macedonian officers. Yes, they are well-favoured, but they are all married.

You are in a sad place, Maiden, Lower Onamatopoeia as we have heard of it is not very classy. You must rise above, rise up, Lady Anonyma, Raise your eyes unto the hills.

Lord Zeus himself "married" Leda in the form of a swan.

The great Alexander himself, my student though of course my contributions to his greatness are not for me to say, was the son of Apollo (only the two concerned know in what form).

Take another look at those sheep.

Remember, the gods walk, waddle, trot and amble, always amongst us.

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So-Called Honourable Aristotle, thanks a lot. Father has found out I wrote to you, I don't know how he found out, publishing won't be invented for another 1900 years and the slaves cant read,and I called myself Anonyma anyway, but he found out somehow and now he says I have disgraced him and he is going to get back his offering from the Oracle and sue you, and serve you right, he's locked me iinto my room with the weaving again and I hate weaving I hate it i hate it i HAAAAATE it and its all your fault you dirty old man i hope king philip of macedon fires your stupid ass you traitor anyway, you are a big traitor you milesian traitor you

...PSSST Hymettos!..look, through the window!...yes, here! Quick!..

...(does this stola make me look fat?)

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Deliver to Lady Anonyma only

Lady Anonyma,

Despite the uncivil and blasphemous tone of your latest, and I trust last missive, I send this reply, as I realize it cost you considerable risk and effort to despatch it out of OL., and that you are under stress.

I cannot and will not approach any Macedonian officers on your behalf,and I urge you again to abandon your hopes in that direction. I repeat, nearly all of them are married,some of them to each other. Furthermore, they are preparing to march East to conquer everyplace they find and never return.

Your father has been causing me no little annoyance, whilst making a spectacle of himself all over Athens. He was seen yesterday taking an acrimonious leave of Dioklos the innkeeper, and has set out homeward accompanied by the rhetor Perigos, a low fellow who scrapes a living in the agora and scribes for illiterate country smallholders when his rhetoric business is slow.

I trust he will return to you safely.

Farewell.

Aristotle

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