Canadian Politics: Boring beyond Belief, or just Dull and Tedious?


caroljane

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The Russians can't even launch a Mars probe!

They only have one air craft carrier!

We will not need any militia, as Lord Wellington explained, "I am nimmukwallah, as we say in the East; that is, I have eaten of the King's salt, and therefore I conceive it to be my duty to serve with unhesitating zeal and cheerfulness, when and wherever the King or his government may think proper to employ me."

When they hit the false ice floe mines they won't be much of a problem, unless they block the channel.

Here is the un-camouflaged model 196px-Ice_Floe.jpg

We appear out of the frozen mist and vanish back into the ice.

Adam

agent 99's best lover

We are all very impressed. We assume you will be in the vanguard of appearing out of the frozen mist. Some of us (well, mostly Grampa McAloon and the seven Sansfemmes brothers) think you should still bring the militia anyway. They are real scared of the Russians. You have a lot of female troupers, right?

Unofficially,

Gord

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This is one of the new recruits that I am training...tell the boys that I will bring her along.

normal_elfsentry0b.jpg

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CONFIDENTIAL - URGENT

Dear United States of America,

Our scouts report that you are not all that United these days and as the trade deadline approaches, we have an offer we believe would be to our mutual advantage.

Your star political player and captain Obama has proved a disappointment, not performing to expectations and getting no results and it is no secret that you would like to be rid of him. We are willing to trade for him, provided you also return Vincent Lecavalier to us. We will send Stephen Harper to Washington where you know he will fit in and spark the team to new conservative heights.

It's a win-win - Helmet Head is a natural fit for Washington, and Obama ought to shine in Ottawa since he is used to skating around Senators.

We are making this approach first to you because of our longstanding friendly ties. But don't wait too long, The Russians are also interested, and we mean intere$$$TED.

Fraternally,

CANADA

PS.No deal without Vinny

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My sources tell me we are certainly considering this trade.

225px-Vinny_Lecavalier_2007.jpg

Many of our powerful donors who are, er, shall we say, er, followers of alternate lifestyles may not want to part with the pretty boy.

They want to know if they can have visitation privileges, you know, kinda like in American divorces.

Secondly, as to the Obama part of the deal. Unless you take his Vice Imbecile, Joe "Foot-in-the-Mouth" Biden, NO DEAL.

As a favor, can you take Hillary, Geitner, Holder and Janet Incompetano? We will make it worth your while with as many devalued American dollars as you want. Just name your price.

We would consider giving you gold, but Dr, Paul says there is no gold in any of the Federal Reserve Banks.

We can also give you social security IOU's from the unlocked lock box - hmmm - that reminds me, you have to take Al Gore also.

We may have some other considerations.

We are glad you can see O'bama's skating skills as an advantage because he can also skate on the issues and on thin ice, so he is a triple threat dictator adored leader.

Secret negotiator

#4,031,894, 901

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This is one of the new recruits that I am training...tell the boys that I will bring her along.

normal_elfsentry0b.jpg

Woo-hoo! Dos vidanya, eh?

Gord

unofficially

No need for the accouterments. At least replace that crotch belt with a decent but skimpy bikini bottom.

--Brant

she'd be sexy with an ammo belt over her shoulder, an assault rifle, long hair and starkers with no discreet placing of this and that

she ought to get off the meth while she's at it so there's room for fore and after play instead of three minutes of copulation only

the way she is now I'd only be interested in rear entry and if she's tied down

no need to worry about STDs for I'd be the first; no one else would dare--it'd take a hero, you see

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My sources tell me we are certainly considering this trade.

225px-Vinny_Lecavalier_2007.jpg

Many of our powerful donors who are, er, shall we say, er, followers of alternate lifestyles may not want to part with the pretty boy.

They want to know if they can have visitation privileges, you know, kinda like in American divorces.

Secondly, as to the Obama part of the deal. Unless you take his Vice Imbecile, Joe "Foot-in-the-Mouth" Biden, NO DEAL.

As a favor, can you take Hillary, Geitner, Holder and Janet Incompetano? We will make it worth your while with as many devalued American dollars as you want. Just name your price.

We would consider giving you gold, but Dr, Paul says there is no gold in any of the Federal Reserve Banks.

We can also give you social security IOU's from the unlocked lock box - hmmm - that reminds me, you have to take Al Gore also.

We may have some other considerations.

We are glad you can see O'bama's skating skills as an advantage because he can also skate on the issues and on thin ice, so he is a triple threat dictator adored leader.

Secret negotiator

#4,031,894, 901

You are are hard but fair bargainer. We have no, er, position on Americans visiting our country for any reason. Once the true heir of Beliveau is back where he belongs, breathing the clean air of the True North, He and his five beefy brothers will deal with tourists with customary habitant hospitality.

If we have to take Biden, we will. He isn't much more garrulous than Brian Mulroney and seems less venal. As to Janet, given her views on borders, there are many Canadians who would like to get their hands on her.

If by "other considerations" you are referring to the regular petitions that we repatriate Paul Anka and Celine Dion, the answer is NO, so we trust that you will not disrupt the excellent progress of our negotiations with such a suggestion.

As to the others, you can forget including them in the deal. We can make no provision for groupies; however, if they prove they can support themselves here in a legal fashion, we will consider their applications with a suitable processing fee.

Yours faithfully,

Paul Benson Gross

Parliamentary Undersecretary whenever possible

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Dearest Paul:

We are actively in discussions with our side. I am having a slight bit of trouble on the "groupies" as you kindly refer to the other three collectivist scum fine cabinet officers we mentioned as part of the deal.

However, we are coming up with a fee for transfer proposal for those three thieving incompetent looters quality administrators. My understanding is that the Clinton bitch individual will be retired with a phenomenally lucrative endowment from some trades that she made, one on commodities and another wherein her husband pays her some outlandish monthly fee so that he can fuck commune with various women's movements throughout the world.

As to the Holder thug administrator, we will have to support him as part of the witness protection program anyway, so name a fee and he will be no problem.

Apparently, we can withdraw Geitner from the deal as he will be serving a life time sentence in one of our Federal condominiums due to Holder's "help" as part of his plea deal.

Now as to another possible problem closing this mutually positive deal. The Gore issue. He has to go because if not, we will have to, ...well...vanish him, if you get my drift. This would be somewhat difficult to explain to some of our very generous donors from the hoax driven well intentioned anthropomorphic global warming assholes advocates.

Therefore, towards that end, we will underwrite a Canadian-United States partnership pilot program to study Polar Bears, snowballs or some other environmental crap crisis wherein Gore will be imprisoned in an underground igloo complex at Alert, Nunavut on the northeastern tip of Ellesmere Island, at 17px-WMA_button2b.png82°30′N 62°19′W.

250px-NOAA_-_Alert_observatory.jpg air chemistry observatory.

250px-Canada_location_map.svg.png

6px-Red_pog.svg.png

17px-WMA_button2b.png82°30′N 62°19′W

Of course, we will be fully funding this program.

Vlad Venerito

Senior Chief Enforcer Environmental Control Chief

Coordinates:

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Dearest Paul:

We are actively in discussions with our side. I am having a slight bit of trouble on the "groupies" as you kindly refer to the other three collectivist scum fine cabinet officers we mentioned as part of the deal.

However, we are coming up with a fee for transfer proposal for those three thieving incompetent looters quality administrators. My understanding is that the Clinton bitch individual will be retired with a phenomenally lucrative endowment from some trades that she made, one on commodities and another wherein her husband pays her some outlandish monthly fee so that he can fuck commune with various women's movements throughout the world.

As to the Holder thug administrator, we will have to support him as part of the witness protection program anyway, so name a fee and he will be no problem.

Apparently, we can withdraw Geitner from the deal as he will be serving a life time sentence in one of our Federal condominiums due to Holder's "help" as part of his plea deal.

Now as to another possible problem closing this mutually positive deal. The Gore issue. He has to go because if not, we will have to, ...well...vanish him, if you get my drift. This would be somewhat difficult to explain to some of our very generous donors from the hoax driven well intentioned anthropomorphic global warming assholes advocates.

Therefore, towards that end, we will underwrite a Canadian-United States partnership pilot program to study Polar Bears, snowballs or some other environmental crap crisis wherein Gore will be imprisoned in an underground igloo complex at Alert, Nunavut on the northeastern tip of Ellesmere Island, at 17px-WMA_button2b.png82°30′N 62°19′W.

250px-NOAA_-_Alert_observatory.jpg air chemistry observatory.

250px-Canada_location_map.svg.png

6px-Red_pog.svg.png

17px-WMA_button2b.png82°30′N 62°19′W

Of course, we will be fully funding this program.

Vlad Venerito

Senior Chief Enforcer Environmental Control Chief

FRATERNAL ORDER OF THE SACRED IGLOO LOCAL 13

Office of the Grand Shaman

Dear Brother Adam,

Way to go, bro!! We'll take Gore and the money, we can enlarge the Satellite Hut and hire the Mongolian Throat Singers for whats shaping up to be the best ArcticCon ever! Gore can bunk out at Grampa McAloon's camp, we'll save more that way.

Thanks to you and Paul for the great work. (Always better when you're dealing with a Brother, right? He sure learned a lot from his librarian grandparents growing up in Inuvik)

The money looks right and we're all set to go ...just don't let them add on that fat guy from Toronto at the last minute. They've been trying to unload him on the Russians all year.

ISS

Gord

Coordinates:

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  • 1 month later...

Not nearly as boring as usual is the current election fraud scandal. To date over 31,000 complaints have been lodged by voters who were robocalled and misdirected to nonexistent polling places.

RMG, the telemarketing company responsible, is of particular interest to me because it is the selfsame place where I worked and helped to unionize fifteen years ago. At that time a big client was the Canadian Taxpayers Federation, headed by Stephen Harper, a close pal of the company head, Michael Davis.

I vividly remember us picketers chasing Davis down the Yorkville Street chanting, "Michael Davis, shame on you! You don't care what's false or true!"

Little did we know.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dick "I'm still alive, honest" Cheney and his daughter Liz were going to speak at a convention here next month, but they have cancelled because Canada is "just not friendly" to them. Protestors in Vancouver got all kinds of rowdy and violent the last time Cheney was here.

Hello? Toronto is not Vancouver. Protestors here are polite. Not exactly friendly, but not rioters either.

Instead of the Cheneys we are getting Mark Steyn. I'd much, much rather have Liz, and she could bring Dad if she wanted.

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  • 3 weeks later...

"Love is not all: it is not meat or drink, or shelter or a roof against the rain....

...

Yet many a man is making friends with death, for lack of love alone."

- Edna St. Vincent Millay

We are getting set to legalize brothels here and of course it is a highly debated topic. Sex worker is undoubtedly a trade, the oldest one they say - not so much a "profession" now as in the days of the hetairae or the Gilded Age, but a job that will always be done. Different societies have historically had different attitudes toward prostitution, but one thing seems constant: the average individual prostitute has never had an enviable life,, or the social acceptance of her (and much less, his) society.

This made me remember the Millay poem, because I was thinking,: Logically, why should the providers of a basic human need be criminalized? Those who grow and sell food, those who build houses, are not. Of course, the religionizing of sex is a major factor. Many would say it is the only one - but why did we let religious morality dictate? I think one reason is, of the basic human needs, demonstrably we will die without adequate food or shelter but by and large we will not die without sex. (Millay was writing more widely and subtly, and really about love; I'm well aware that prostitutes do not sell love).

So it becomes a matter of free will. We really, really want to give in to this basic human drive but are able to live without doing it. Those who help us weaken our will and sell sex are agents of the devil of self-indulgence, --it's Eve tempting with the apple. If we chase her away we will have a better chance to live right! We can direct our energies properly towards work and family.

But that is from the viewpoint of the protectors of the customer. What about the workers? The Star did some interviews with sex workers on the subject. A high-price part-time call girl considers this a good step toward legitimizing a business. A policewoman on the prostitute beat for 10 years, no surprise, deplores it. A 20-year street veteran hooker condemns it, for marginalizing the street workers, making them "the scum" as they have always been treated. A 25 year old, a prostitute since age twelve, said she believed nothing would make a difference. She wants to get out of the life, but whenever she gets a regular job, they find out about her past.

The clients are silent.

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As if we needed more proof that Canadian politics is a snoozefest, this!

We are getting set to legalize brothels here

It is almost like prostitution has been around as long as trade was a concept and male was dominant over female. Or is that right? Our cousins in one of the chimp species have been observed using sex as a soother and an invitation to exchange (for food). Penguins too.

I cannot see one society on earth that deals with this 'scourge' that will not be exterminated. Is it France, where it is legal but ... or Belgium and the Netherlands where it is legal but ...

I am happy Canada stumbles sleepily beyond the legal, but ... zone, if only to offer one more small margin of protection to those who were victims of the pig farmer and police indifference.

We can look to our cousins in Nevada, Europe and especially New Zealand and Australia, which have legal brothels in all but name, and we should consider the many cases against 'swinging' establishments in Quebec, and the legal efforts by organized sex workers to form a protective 'guild' or co-op (a brothel in all but name, even if to shelter vulnerable street prostitutes during their "dates"). How can you not communicate for the purposes of prostitution? What are the finer points of 'Bawdy house' 'living off the avails' 'communicating for the purpose' ... ?

I think these adjoining issues will be forced in the courts again and again until firm decisions come down. Our laws date to 892 BC in some instances, it seems.

I have no other opinion but a heavy sigh. But if this enduring activity cannot be expunged, the Canadian solution seems to be drifting towards 'safe' as the margin (as with Safe Injection). So, safe bawdy houses, maybe regulated up the ass by regional health on federal authority and on a steady if not friendly relationship with police.

Questions remain (I am sure Objectivists have some of the most imaginative answers):

If bawdy houses become legal, then who and what is still criminal communication, criminal "communicating for the purposes of prostitution," if not on the the street what about sex ads? Is the four pages of slick ads for Escorts and Ladies and You Know What Massage and More urban weeklies (like the Georgia Straight) soliciting, or is it just sitting in front of a congressional dais? How does a legal bawdy house pay for its business licences, for example, or arrange television advertising?

And - what do the actual working girls and guys want in their various levels of struggle? Shall we invite the casino and hospitality industries to ally with provincial tourism departments and the Solicitor General to hammer out a plan for summer?

Fly north, get stoned, get gay married to your buddy, poke up safely with heroin, visit a bawdy house, get a tattoo, get gay divorced, get an abortion, go shopping, get stoned, and then go back to security of the homeland.

This cartoon is from Torontoist, depicting Justice getting a spanking from the Lady (a former successful dominatrix) who rode victorious over the Crown, Terri-Jean Bedford.

201012-heroesandvillains-heroes-bedford-lebovitch-scott-himel-BL.jpg

-- and for my cousin but for the Homeland Adam, a bit from and a link to the Wikipedia article Canada v Bedford that details the boring new hole in Canada's criminal code,

On March 26, 2012 the Court of Appeal struck down the bawdy house provisions as unconstitutional and amended the Criminal Code provisions to clarify that the prohibition on living on the avails of prostitution (pimping) applies only to those who do so “in circumstances of exploitation.”
[41]
However, the Crown’s appeal of the communicating for the purposes of prostitution was successful, as the Court of Appeal ruled this law does not violate the prostitutes’ Section 7 rights and is a reasonable limit on the right to expression. This means street prostitution, where prostitutes solicit business in public, still remains effectively illegal.
The Court of Appeal stayed the effect of their ruling on the law against operating a common bawdy-house for 12 months to give Parliament an opportunity to amend the law in a manner that does not infringe the Charter.

Edited by william.scherk
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This means street prostitution, where prostitutes solicit business in public, still remains effectively illegal.

The Court of Appeal stayed the effect of their ruling on the law against operating a common bawdy-house for 12 months to give Parliament an opportunity to amend the law in a manner that does not infringe the Charter.

Wow, what an opportunity for the sexual predator who used to occupy the White House to do some real street community organizing - go get em Bill!

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201012-heroesandvillains-heroes-bedford-lebovitch-scott-himel-BL.jpg

Are all Canadian dominatrices four fingered?

Ba'al Chatzaf

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Are all Canadian dominatrices four fingered?

Ba'al Chatzaf

Apparently, it substitutes for "fore play!" Or is that golf? I am so confused by Canadian culture...

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Are all Canadian dominatrices four fingered?

Ba'al Chatzaf

Apparently, it substitutes for "fore play!" Or is that golf? I am so confused by Canadian culture...

Our dominatrices are normally fingered, but often wear hockey gloves as the one depicted.

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Btw guys, surely you know the classic Canadian joke (it's only moderately funny of course, but out of patriotism I laughed so hard the first time I heard it, I kicked the slats out of my crib).

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

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Btw guys, surely you know the classic Canadian joke (it's only moderately funny of course, but out of patriotism I laughed so hard the first time I heard it, I kicked the slats out of my crib).

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

O.K. Why?

Ba'al Chatzaf

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Btw guys, surely you know the classic Canadian joke (it's only moderately funny of course, but out of patriotism I laughed so hard the first time I heard it, I kicked the slats out of my crib).

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

O.K. Why?

Ba'al Chatzaf

To get to the middle, of course.

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To get to the middle, of course.

Carol:

Damn, good one, and it works for Mittens Romney also...

Adam

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To get to the middle, of course.

Carol:

Damn, good one, and it works for Mittens Romney also...

Adam

Yup, like all good ones it is fundamentally true. Canadians are basically centrists. Witness the current leaders of our two opposition parties, the Liberals and the NDP. The leader of the NDP is a former Liberal and the leader of the Liberals is a former NDP leader.Winston Churchill comes to mind.

It is hard for me to dislike Mittens R. as much as you do, because of his centricism. I dislike him for lying about his experience as a Mormon missionary however. I lived a block down from a Mormon missionary centre for 20 years, and let me tell you, they lived in comfort in Toronto, and I believe they lived luxe in France.

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Some may think that I have a prejudice against overweight men, not so. It is troughing and double dipping, concretised, that I dislike, and cronyism which enables it. Such as the outrageous proceedings of the enquiry into the mismanagement of the Pickton murders by the police.. The general counsel of said enquiry appointed his best friend to "executively manage" the enquiry, and he has micromanaged it back into the pigsty .

Good on the National Post for doing the job of journalists on this one. Shame on the RCMP as they cover their porky posteriors.

Again, it is not their fatness I deplore, it is what they fatten on. In this case it is the twice-desecrated graves of women, Le Sang des Autres.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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