Some friendly advice on evasion and drinking alcohol


Michael Stuart Kelly

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Some friendly advice on evasion and drinking alcohol

by Michael Stuart Kelly

I cannot drink alcohol because I abused it in my life. I wish I could drink nowadays. It is very pleasurable. I have many fond memories...

Still, every attempt I have made since I stopped has resulted in failure. I can't find the pleasure in it anymore, just the need. Here is some friendly advice that I wish I had been given before the abuse took hold.

If you drink frequently, be very attentive to to it. There is a subtle area, a span of time (and it is huge and almost imperceptible), where the pleasure slowly transforms into a need.

That is a reality of steady drinking. If you value the pleasure of alcohol, do not evade this reality. Look at it fully with your rational mind. Ignoring it is a sure way to invite deep trouble later. What ensues can be especially devastating on marriages, careers and health.

Look at drinking with a critical eye. Not as a manner to convince yourself that it is bad or anything like that. Just look at reality. There are two sides and both exist. Evading the bad part of drinking is irrational, but so is evading the good part.

There are people who drink all their lives and never develop a problem. They enjoy it. It is an enhancement to their lives. It is elegant. If you notice their habits, really pay attention to them, you will see certain characteristics emerge. One of the things to be very attentive to is whether or not you are doing like they do.

Then there are people - like me - who did and do develop problems with alcohol abuse. You can see them everywhere, too. Look at what these people do with the same critical eye you use for those who drink well. Then look at yourself. Hard.

In both cases, try to isolate fundamental details.

For example, people who drink well usually confine it to meals and social occasions. They consume small portions and rarely get drunk. They take delight in the taste. Their enjoyment of alcohol is set within a hierarchy of priorities where other pleasures and responsibilities are more important, depending on the context, without spoiling the pleasure of the drink.

People who are developing a problem, or already have one, make many excuses to knock one back because they "need a drink." They often get drunk and lose control over the quantity consumed. They talk a great deal about alcohol when they are sober. Their alcohol consumption starts competing with other values and drinking is always present irrespective of the context. Also, they frequently apologize for the messes they made while under the influence.

If you look critically at what others do - what people you actually observe with your own eyes do - and isolate details like the above (and other details when you do more thinking about it), you can look at your own life with greater clarity.

The biggest mistake I used to make with this process is that I used to look at people who drank well and I highly valued what I saw. I related. Strongly. But I refused to look at people with problems. The few times I did, I would not get anywhere near to comparing them against my own life, i.e., asking myself whether or not I was doing things like that.

This issue is very, very individual, but looking at other people's behavior and making comparisons with your own life is a wonderful way to learn about yourself. I highly recommend it.

Then drinking can remain a pleasure in your life and not turn into a need. Once the need develops, you become like me. You can no longer drink.

If you perceive that you do have a need for alcohol, however small - then STOP DRINKING! At least for awhile. The need will only get worse. You can always drink later and test it to see if the need has disappeared.

Abstinence is wonderful as a lifestyle, but frankly I would prefer to be able to enjoy spirits once in a while. I simply can't. I wasn't smart enough at the proper time in my life to look at others, use my rational capacity and learn from them.

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I wonder whether there are no genetic and/or organic factors that influence the likelyhood of getting addicted to alcohol. I drink one bottle of beer (33 cc) at dinner, and on special occasions at most two bottles in the evening. I've never been drunk in my life, I just don't like it when I get light in the head and drowsy, and that's a sign for me to stop. I just don't understand that people really like to continue drinking in such a situation. It seems to me that the fact that someone can't stop drinking after the first glass can't be explained only by psychological factors, I think that physiological factors must also play an important role.

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Dragonfly,

Calling someone an addict is like saying that he has a heart condition. There are many forms. Obviously, biochemical factors are very important in a good many people. In others, however, they make very little difference.

There is no one-size-fits-all version of addiction except in the most general symptoms.

btw - I like your way of drinking very much. I wish I had been able to develop that. According to my present article on preventive thought to avoid alcohol addiction, I would say that you are one bug who should be studied and emulated.

Michael

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