what i witnessed


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This actually occurred several weeks ago but since I'm here waiting for the termite guy, I figured I'd take the time to relate it.

My wife's niece was in town from Florida for a two week period. She is 13-14 and my daughter is six. Nonetheless the played well together doing worksheets, voting without argument on what shows to watch and slept on bunk beds. They went to the park together, went swimming together and the older girl bought them both snacks from stores while out on walks.

The night before the niece was supposed to fly back, we invited over another one of my daughter's friends (there was a summer camp field trip to the national zoo the next day and we wanted to bring the other girl along)

I was taking a bath when the other girl arrived and over the time I was in the bath (i take pretty long baths) I over heard this conversation. The summary of it was the niece/cousin being rejected by my daughter in exchange for the newly arrived friend. My daughter not only wouldn't acknowledge the cousin any more but actually began talking negative about her , while she was in the room, to the friend. My daughter laughed and joked with the friend as if the cousin was barely tolerable. The cousin confronted my daughter, saying why are you acting like this? We have been hanging out for two straight weeks and I'm your family. My daughter said she didn't really know her well and she preferred to now play with the newly arrived friend. The cousin was so distressed that she literally started playing a sad song on her cell phone. This had no effect on my daughter who basically laughed her out of the room.

When I got out of the tub, I confronted my daughter. I said she wasn't in trouble and I respected that she was vocal in how she felt with the cousin but it was not the way I would have handled to situation.

I'm not looking for advice, just wanted to tell the story

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Girls/women work in dyads.

When a third girl comes into the mix, one of the three will be ostracized.

Two's company... three's a crowd.

It makes possible bonding by shared exclusion.

Greg

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Derek, from your 6 year old daughter's perspective your niece is an adult. She would of course miss her peer to peer play time. She was probably deferring to her cousin for two weeks about everything and missing her same age friends. There is a huge gulf in maturity and privilege between 6 and 14.

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actually Mikee, the cousin is very subservient. My daughter was in control the entire time. But maybe that had something to do with it as well...

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actually Mikee, the cousin is very subservient. My daughter was in control the entire time. But maybe that had something to do with it as well...

That didn't occur to me. Your niece was trying very hard to make friends and it backfired I guess. She had the choice of being an adult in their relationship or acting like a child and picked the wrong one. Interesting, thanks for sharing.

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Little girls are a challenge. I'm always amazed by the stories I hear from other mothers about how their daughters act sometimes. Always makes me glad I have a son because boys' interactions with each other seem so much simpler and straightforward. I've had to tell my son before that he wasn't very smart about something, but I don't know how I'd handle having to tell a daughter that she was a bitch about something. Definitely a tough situation.

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Little girls are a challenge. I'm always amazed by the stories I hear from other mothers about how their daughters act sometimes. Always makes me glad I have a son because boys' interactions with each other seem so much simpler and straightforward. I've had to tell my son before that he wasn't very smart about something, but I don't know how I'd handle having to tell a daughter that she was a bitch about something. Definitely a tough situation.

Deanna:

lol could not agree more. I have had one of each. Two different wives. So, essentially, both were raised as only children, which, you obviously understand.

I was an only child also.

In terms of raising a girl, I am virtually certain that the key factor is the unity between the parents in terms of parenting decisions, e.g., discipline, reinforcement, loving, consistent, etc.

That also applies to raising a boy, however, boys are, as you noted, simpler.

A...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Little girls are a challenge. I'm always amazed by the stories I hear from other mothers about how their daughters act sometimes. Always makes me glad I have a son because boys' interactions with each other seem so much simpler and straightforward. I've had to tell my son before that he wasn't very smart about something, but I don't know how I'd handle having to tell a daughter that she was a bitch about something. Definitely a tough situation.

My one and only daughter Miriam was a Force of Nature from the git-go. She is grown (54) and is still a Force of Nature.

Ba'al Chatzaf

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Little girls are a challenge. I'm always amazed by the stories I hear from other mothers about how their daughters act sometimes. Always makes me glad I have a son because boys' interactions with each other seem so much simpler and straightforward. I've had to tell my son before that he wasn't very smart about something, but I don't know how I'd handle having to tell a daughter that she was a bitch about something. Definitely a tough situation.

Deanna:

lol could not agree more. I have had one of each. Two different wives. So, essentially, both were raised as only children, which, you obviously understand.

I was an only child also.

In terms of raising a girl, I am virtually certain that the key factor is the unity between the parents in terms of parenting decisions, e.g., discipline, reinforcement, loving, consistent, etc.

That also applies to raising a boy, however, boys are, as you noted, simpler.

A...

Amen!!!

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I would also add that raising two boys seems also simpler than raising two girls. Brothers fight, true, but the brother relationship does seem more straightforward than the sister one. From what I observe anyway.

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I would also add that raising two boys seems also simpler than raising two girls. Brothers fight, true, but the brother relationship does seem more straightforward than the sister one. From what I observe anyway.

Boys are crude and simple.

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Art Linkletter became a household word in part due to this phenomenon.

Art Linkletter says the darnedest things.

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