Romance Killers


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Romance killers for me? typos and bad spelling. :cool:

Kat

Philosophy pillow-talk is good

Yes, Kat, given my typeos, we would be mismatched then. However, as I have told Angie—philosophical pillow talk is a must! (Really, must have the pillow talk. None of this rolling over and going to sleep without at least talking about epistemology and the concept of 'god'—a word that was screamed out during the love making). :turned:

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How Men Screw Up Romance

Some men get it and others just don't have a clue and are totally oblivious. They are either smooth talkers or bumbling idiots, from great pick up lines to downright rude and offensive pick up lines, from perfect nights of seduction and romance to going to a luxurious dinner at McDonald's and then sneaking into a local theater or going to the Spam museum. There are many different forms of Romance Killers from the introduction, dating, and established relationships. This isn't just confined to men. Women also make mistakes that are killers of relationships and/or romance such as the woman that has your entire lives planned out, venue for the wedding, children's names picked, and so forth by the second or third date.

I am going to rain on your parade here. I would go so far as to say Romance is bullshit. What matters is - compatibility and friendship. I have been married to my best friend Ginny a Woman of Valor, for nearly fifty years (fifty this Aug 18, God willing and the overpass don't collapse). We have know each other longer than we have known our own parents. What it is all about is Friendship plus Lust.

How many Romantic Relations have broken up over the long run? Probably more than half, I would guess. Romance is nice, but it is not durable. Romance talks, but Friendship walks. You can't build a life on Romance. It is just so damned silly.

Ba'al Chatzaf

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Philosophy pillow-talk is good

Only after the Main Event.

Have you ever read a Woody Allen short story called -The Whore of Mensa-?

Ba'al Chatzaf

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I am going to rain on your parade here. I would go so far as to say Romance is bullshit. What matters is - compatibility and friendship. I have been married to my best friend Ginny a Woman of Valor, for nearly fifty years (fifty this Aug 18, God willing and the overpass don't collapse). We have know each other longer than we have known our own parents. What it is all about is Friendship plus Lust.

How many Romantic Relations have broken up over the long run? Probably more than half, I would guess. Romance is nice, but it is not durable. Romance talks, but Friendship walks. You can't build a life on Romance. It is just so damned silly.

Ever read Nathaniel Branden's "The Psychology of Romantic Love"? I'd be interested in your opinion of it and of romance after you read it. It's out of print, but easily available through on-line sources.

Judith

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[Ever read Nathaniel Branden's "The Psychology of Romantic Love"? I'd be interested in your opinion of it and of romance after you read it. It's out of print, but easily available through on-line sources.

Judith

Yes I have. NB is not a person who can talk about durable relationships. I was neither impressed or convinced. I go with my verdict --- it is bullshit. Bullshit talks, but lasting relationships walk. We not only have the Good Times, the Bad Times and the Interesting Times to show for it, We have four children and five grandchildren, each and everyone of them a joy.

I will reconsider when NB celebrates 50 years of a durable and cordial relationship.

This to my wife, who is a Woman of Valor, Eshet Chayil.

An heroic woman, who can find? Her value is far beyond pearls.

Her husband's heart relies on her and he shall lack no fortune.

She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax, and works with her hands willingly.

She is like the merchant ships, she brings her bread from afar.

She arises while it is still night, and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidservants.

She plans for a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She girds her loins in strength, and makes her arms strong.

She knows that her merchandise is good. Her candle does not go out at night.

She sets her hands to the distaff, and holds the spindle in her hands.

She extends her hands to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy.

She fears not for her household because of snow, because her whole household is warmly dressed.

She makes covers for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known at the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes a cloak and sells it, and she delivers aprons to the merchant.

Strength and honor are her clothing, she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the lesson of kindness is on her tongue.

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness

Her children rise and praise her, her husband lauds her.

Many women have done worthily, but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who is upright shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 30:10

You can keep your Romance. You are welcome to it.

Ba'al Chatzaf.

Edited by BaalChatzaf
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Bob,

I don't see commitment to maintain a relationship during the hard times as an opposite end to romance in an either-or proposition. My own view is that love comes in waves just like everything else in life does. There are moments of intense romance (or delight in the other or butterflies in your stomach or whatever you want to call that) altering with moments that get near indifference or even irritation. These are times when you love with your mind and not with your heart and you behave accordingly.

Another reality is that love grows and ages just like we do, becoming less energy-driven, with more ingrained habits and more wisdom. I see no reason to expect one organic part of us to be any different than the what holds true for the rest.

I don't see romance versus pragmatic longevity as opposing options. They could be if romance were "romance (the emotion) to the exclusion of all else."

But I do have to agree with your point about success in maintaining long-living relationships. If that is the goal, a huge dose of working at it that goes beyond romance is needed. You have the experience and can back up what you say. Only a fool would not listen.

Michael

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[Ever read Nathaniel Branden's "The Psychology of Romantic Love"? I'd be interested in your opinion of it and of romance after you read it. It's out of print, but easily available through on-line sources.

Judith

Yes I have. NB is not a person who can talk about durable relationships. I was neither impressed or convinced. I go with my verdict --- it is bullshit. Bullshit talks, but lasting relationships walk. We not only have the Good Times, the Bad Times and the Interesting Times to show for it, We have four children and five grandchildren, each and everyone of them a joy.

I will reconsider when NB celebrates 50 years of a durable and cordial relationship.

This to my wife, who is a Woman of Valor, Eshet Chayil.

An heroic woman, who can find? Her value is far beyond pearls.

Her husband's heart relies on her and he shall lack no fortune.

She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax, and works with her hands willingly.

She is like the merchant ships, she brings her bread from afar.

She arises while it is still night, and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidservants.

She plans for a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She girds her loins in strength, and makes her arms strong.

She knows that her merchandise is good. Her candle does not go out at night.

She sets her hands to the distaff, and holds the spindle in her hands.

She extends her hands to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy.

She fears not for her household because of snow, because her whole household is warmly dressed.

She makes covers for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known at the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes a cloak and sells it, and she delivers aprons to the merchant.

Strength and honor are her clothing, she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the lesson of kindness is on her tongue.

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness

Her children rise and praise her, her husband lauds her.

Many women have done worthily, but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who is upright shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 30:10

You can keep your Romance. You are welcome to it.

Ba'al Chatzaf.

Sounds prety romantic to me. :)

--Brant

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An heroic woman, who can find? Her value is far beyond pearls.

Her husband's heart relies on her and he shall lack no fortune.

She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax, and works with her hands willingly.

She is like the merchant ships, she brings her bread from afar.

She arises while it is still night, and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidservants.

She plans for a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She girds her loins in strength, and makes her arms strong.

She knows that her merchandise is good. Her candle does not go out at night.

She sets her hands to the distaff, and holds the spindle in her hands.

She extends her hands to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy.

She fears not for her household because of snow, because her whole household is warmly dressed.

She makes covers for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known at the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes a cloak and sells it, and she delivers aprons to the merchant.

Strength and honor are her clothing, she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the lesson of kindness is on her tongue.

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness

Her children rise and praise her, her husband lauds her.

Many women have done worthily, but you surpass them all.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who is upright shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 30:10

I didn't know this text, and find it rather wonderful. Thank you.

Best regards

Adrian

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I actually agree very strongly with the concept of philosophical pillow talk. Anything less is evidence of dichotomized mind-body. The brain is the most important sex organ (and hence, having sex with Paris Hilton is spiritual necrophilia). Hooray for philosophical pillow talk!

In many ways I have to agree I find most talk of "love" reasonably shallow. The whole hollywood fantasy type thing annoys me. Maybe its because Ive never experienced it. But even so, I think Im just naturally the kind of person predisposed to close, sensual/sexual/whatever style friendships. But otherwise Im a lone wolf and happy to be so.

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I would go so far as to say Romance is bullshit. What matters is - compatibility and friendship. I have been married to my best friend Ginny a Woman of Valor, for nearly fifty years (fifty this Aug 18, God willing and the overpass don't collapse). We have know each other longer than we have known our own parents. What it is all about is Friendship plus Lust.

But BaalChatzal, Friendship plus Lust is Romance. And when you call your wife "a Woman of Valor," you are speaking in beautifully romantic terms.

Barbara

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Ba'al:

~ I'd tend to agree with you about 'romance', if I hadn't learned to stop seeing it as nothing more than 'initial infatuation' (where one sees NO 'flaws' [i use that term in its subjective meaning]), which, I gather, is really all that you mean by 'romance'; you're speaking of the 'initial attraction' phase, as it were, I presume.

~ Yes, 'familiarity' can breed contempt, depending on what more is found out (or, as is said: when the blinders come off.) This is the source of the ideas "The honeymoon's over," "The romance is gone," etc. The key-word is can, and, it depends on whom one is finding out (or maybe even: 'appreciating') more about...or...not. With the wrong one, romance will die...as well as its necessary precursor, your favored aspect: 'friendship.'

2Bcont

LLAP

J:D

Edited by John Dailey
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Ba'al:

~ Even romance, as you apparently see it, requires friendship, to some degree...if there's anything to the romance to begin with. Else, it wasn't even romance; it was (whatever the ages) misnomered 'puppy love' and was as substantive as cake-frosting or cotton-candy: ecstatic fun-for-now; then, all gone.

~ With the 'right' one(s), sometimes appreciating characteristics unnoticed heretofore (or more apropos, appreciation of the known ones) itself can rekindle a (if not actually spark an actual, rather than adolescent/faux) 'romance', making a worthwhile 'friendship' a 'soul-mate'-appreciating FRIENDSHIP.

~ I suggest re-thinking what you really mean by 'romance.'

LLAP

J:D

Edited by John Dailey
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But BaalChatzal, Friendship plus Lust is Romance. And when you call your wife "a Woman of Valor," you are speaking in beautifully romantic terms.

Barbara

Barbara,

Im not so sure about that... at least what Ive heard about romance, its 'a little bit more' emotionally speaking than friendship. I guess I find it hard to understand, these matters are not simple obviously. I think there may actually be a potential difference in the 'structure' of emotions between individuals, i.e. what makes up romance for one or the other differs. But I guess this kind of complexity is inevitable in matters of emotions.

If you define romance and friendship/affection (valuing someone) + lust (a physical expression of that), then I am capable of romance easily. I just find that emotionally, I can feel much affection but I am always a lone wolf type, always have some level of 'detachment' in a way. Maybe Im just wired for 'seperate togetherness.'

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  • 6 months later...

Same here. I just can't tolerate gum chewing. I would refuse to date a gum-chewer. Can't stand the sight, the smell, or the sound of gum chewing.

Another huge turnoff: chewing gum, or chewing tobacco, or chewing anything other than food that he's going to swallow within a few seconds....

:sick:

Judith

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  • 1 month later...
How Men Screw Up Romance

Some men get it and others just don't have a clue and are totally oblivious. They are either smooth talkers or bumbling idiots, from great pick up lines to downright rude and offensive pick up lines, from perfect nights of seduction and romance to going to a luxurious dinner at McDonald's and then sneaking into a local theater or going to the Spam museum. There are many different forms of Romance Killers from the introduction, dating, and established relationships. This isn't just confined to men. Women also make mistakes that are killers of relationships and/or romance such as the woman that has your entire lives planned out, venue for the wedding, children's names picked, and so forth by the second or third date.

Here are just a few things of what men can do that are romance killers and are a serious turn off. When meeting someone for the first time or even in an established relationship, hygiene is a definite must. Bad breath is a serious turn off. Make sure to brush your teeth, use Listerine, and most effective for fresh breathe is to brush your tongue well, even brushing your tongue while squirting Listerine on your tongue will do wonders for bad breathe. In some cases if that bad, a dentist appointment may be in order. Body odor, rough dirty hands, dirt under fingernails, long fingernails are also turn offs. I am sure you would want your girl clean with a very sexy scent. A great smelling man is also very sexy and a huge turn on. I really don't want to smell the bad BO with the smell of beer or buffalo wings or whatever else is in the mix.

When you go in for the first kiss, please don't jam the tongue down the throat. Well, jamming the tongue down the throat period is a turn off. Soft and seductive is perfect. Also inappropriate touching is a turn off. Just because she is talking to you, that doesn't mean she's given you permission to touch her in a seductive way such as softly running your finger along her jaw line or on the side of her neck or along her collar bone. Or the most dreaded one for me is when standing there talking with friends or what have you and this total stranger approaches you from behind and he gently grabs your waist with both hands and lingers there for a bit. It's like, excuse me, I don't know you, haven't given you permission to touch me, get your hands off of me. If I like you and I am receptive to you and there is a definite connection, I don't mind. But a total stranger, definitely NOT. Some women might enjoy this but I don't. When first meeting someone, the overly eager touching is offensive and rude, especially for me. If you're an affectionate guy who loves to touch, first of all, make sure she likes you and is receptive to you. If you guys are hitting it off and she is open to allowing you to touch her in a more seductive way, then go for it. Also lightly touching her lower back as you walk and guide her to her table or as she passes you to walk through a door or what have you is a major turn on for some women. This alone can make some women melt. It's seductive and is an attentive gentlemanly act.

Since this can be educational for both men and women when it comes to romance from the introduction, dating, and established relationships, I hope others will put in their 2 cents as to what they would consider a romance killer for them or even what they would consider a turn on.

Angie

Oh my God, you're killing me. I've just reread this. Instant Classic.

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How Men Screw Up Romance

Some men get it and others just don't have a clue and are totally oblivious. They are either smooth talkers or bumbling idiots, from great pick up lines to downright rude and offensive pick up lines, from perfect nights of seduction and romance to going to a luxurious dinner at McDonald's and then sneaking into a local theater or going to the Spam museum. There are many different forms of Romance Killers from the introduction, dating, and established relationships. This isn't just confined to men. Women also make mistakes that are killers of relationships and/or romance such as the woman that has your entire lives planned out, venue for the wedding, children's names picked, and so forth by the second or third date.

I am going to rain on your parade here. I would go so far as to say Romance is bullshit. What matters is - compatibility and friendship. I have been married to my best friend Ginny a Woman of Valor, for nearly fifty years (fifty this Aug 18, God willing and the overpass don't collapse). We have know each other longer than we have known our own parents. What it is all about is Friendship plus Lust.

How many Romantic Relations have broken up over the long run? Probably more than half, I would guess. Romance is nice, but it is not durable. Romance talks, but Friendship walks. You can't build a life on Romance. It is just so damned silly.

Ba'al Chatzaf

Watch me.

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I would go so far as to say Romance is bullshit. What matters is - compatibility and friendship. I have been married to my best friend Ginny a Woman of Valor, for nearly fifty years (fifty this Aug 18, God willing and the overpass don't collapse). We have know each other longer than we have known our own parents. What it is all about is Friendship plus Lust.

But BaalChatzal, Friendship plus Lust is Romance. And when you call your wife "a Woman of Valor," you are speaking in beautifully romantic terms.

Barbara

Damn right. I can't agree more strongly with B. Branden here. And it's a beautiful thing whenever you can call a woman 'valorous'. She'll see it in your eyes. And there's no substitute for that comparable look from a woman. Priceless.

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  • 2 years later...
They are either smooth talkers or bumbling idiots, ]

And that was how she stuck it into herself on this article. . .

Um, yeah.

I'll just say that it is a wonderous archive here, but sometimes things have a way of coming back with that. Worth it, I suppose. Just embarrassing, upon occasion.

Hey, if you go that way, just go for the rechargeable nicads--it will save you money that you can put into other, related pursuits.

Amazing how much boner time you can get with a cheekbone shot.

rde

Always there to help, and happy how editing functions sometimes create funnies.

Edited by Rich Engle
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