Thanks Michael. I'm one month into my sobriety. Things are good, no burning desires, my mind is sharp again and life is good. The hardest part has been my lack of patience for any type of trust and forgiveness by those around me I negatively affected by my behavior. The club I attend is notoriously less religious than others in the area - yet I'm constantly reminded that the program won't work with half measures, or if I don't turn my life over to my higher power, and let him do the thinking for me. According to their doctrine, I can either "come around" to their way of thinking and have God in my life - or I can expect failure. The chapter We the Agnostics in the Big Book spells this out clearly. Even your family will "come around" eventually according to the gospel according to Bill. After last night's meeting, it was suggested that I sing "Jesus Loves Me" when things get hard, and to let Jesus take the wheel - and stop thinking I could control this problem through sheer willpower. I was, and extended a warm "thank you," but I felt like a phony, and made a hasty exit before anyone else could push their religious beliefs on me. AA claims to be open to those of all beliefs, but I think that's deceptive. There is the long term expectation that you will "come around" if you want to be successful. That you'll hand your life over to the collective and let God guide your actions. I'll keep going to their meetings - but with the knowledge that it's not a long term solution. Meanwhile, I'm looking into other organizations and groups who specifically exclude any religious aspect from their program, such as the Secular Organization for Sobriety. If I can't find one, I'll organize my own secular group for those in recovery and apply objectivist philosophy, where rational thinking is applied, and the strength within one's own self can in fact lead to continued sobriety. One where the individual is given credit for their successes rather than the collective group or a higher power. One that doesn't become a crutch, or a replacement addiction.